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The one with the wedding

By Anonymous - 06/06/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I’m single, I got permission to bring a friend as my plus-one to my sister's wedding. He’s religious so I thought of all people he’d be one to behave. Nope. He got plastered on champagne, slapped the brides ass as she was walking down the aisle with our dad, then started a fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 108

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/06/2024 09:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a new restaurant when I went to the restroom. When I was done, I sat back down at the table, and idly started listening to my friends chatting. After a few seconds, I realized I'd sat at the wrong table, with complete strangers, who were too polite and/or bemused to say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 482

Experimenting

By Anonymous - 16/06/2024 06:00 - United States - Englewood

Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 607

Sketchy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 299

You deserved it 3 459

Honest Joe

By Anonymous - 08/07/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, despite warning my mother repeatedly about scammers, I got home to her on the phone giving her bank details to someone for security purposes. I grabbed the phone and hung up, and now she’s mad at me because he sounded like such a "nice honest man" and I was very rude to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 77

How come you were there?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my best friend is mad at me for "letting my paranoia ruin her relationship." I've been telling her for months now that I don't trust her boyfriend's female best friend, but she never listened to me. Guess who I caught in bed together a few hours ago while my best friend was at work? FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 89

Bien joué

By ChelseaGirl - 22/08/2024 16:00 - France - Nice

Today, I'm in the south of France and I was trying to impress a cute date at a coffee shop by ordering in what I thought was perfect French. He gave me a weird look, and the barista looked confused. Turns out, instead of ordering a "latte," I asked for "lait," which is just milk. I sat there awkwardly, sipping my cup of cold milk while he watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 489

Scary monsters

By Poultry - 29/08/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I was playing a game of charades with my in-laws. I had to get them to guess the movie "Chicken Run," so I started flapping my arms, clucking loudly, and running around. I was really getting into it when I noticed everyone looking horrified. Turns out, my mother-in-law is terrified of chicken, and I just about triggered her a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 100

Skittish and wet

By JennieLee - 30/08/2024 16:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while in the shower, I heard my phone buzz. Expecting an important text, I leaned out to check it. I slipped, hit my head on the sink, and ended up stuck in the most awkward position possible with one leg in the shower and the other out. My roommate had to rescue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 203

"If I could turn back time…"

By inappropes - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt tunes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 993

Confused

By Anonymous - 26/09/2024 19:00

Today, I steeled my nerve, gritted my teeth, pulled my finger out, and asked our new coworker on a date. He looked at me weird, then said those four words, “But I’m not gay.” Five weeks we’ve worked together and all that time he thought I was a man. I’m a woman, born a woman, with a vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 139

He who controls the spice controls the universe

By Anonymous - 01/10/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I was at a food truck festival and I spotted a taco truck and eagerly ordered a spicy taco. As I took my first bite, the spice hit me like a freight train and I began to choke. In an effort to save myself, I dropped the taco into the lap of the guy sitting next to me. He looked up, lap splattered in salsa, and asked if I was having a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 523

Bing bong beep

By Anonymous - 12/10/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our son fell asleep with his iPad playing some sort of annoying beeping noise from one of his games. We can hear it in our room and it’s just annoying enough that neither of us can sleep. The iPad is under his body, so if I try to get it he WILL wake up and WON’T go back to sleep tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 627

Trash talking little dude

By Proud momma - 03/11/2024 20:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my toddler learned the phrase “Shut up.” He now loudly says it to anyone who speaks to him, including our elderly neighbor, whose only crime was complimenting him on his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 190

What was I thinking?

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 10:00 - United States - Okemos

Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 712

Age of approval

By henry - 23/12/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, the 18-now-19 year-old girl who originally lead me on, ended things, then made a show of our four year age difference to the people she knew is now happily dating a 27 year-old. Her parents approve. I’m now known as a creep and lost many friends over this, but she just gets to move on? FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 266

Busted

By blububble412 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, we had a drug search at school. After the search, we went back inside. My bag was open, and my lunch was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 548

You deserved it 2 533

Instant cure

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 578

You deserved it 4 949

Not funny, guys

By livgasms - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be "funny as hell" to watch me freak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 275

You deserved it 5 215

Brain worms

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I realized I've been saying "Excuse me" to automatic sliding doors for the past week. They haven't responded yet, but I'll keep you posted on their social skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 168

Don't call the cops

By Elizabeth - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 608

You deserved it 27 133

Suckerpunched

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the imperial fist of spring allergies knocked me flat on my ass. The time I was going to spend at the outdoor concert I paid $80 for was instead spent in my car, driving back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 124

You deserved it 3 166

Heads up

By Anonymous - 18/03/2024 05:00

Today, after a day spent at the beach, I was looking back through our photos. Neither my husband, sisters, kids, or our friends bothered to tell me that my white swimsuit became a bit see-through when wet. In absolutely every photo you could clearly see my pubes and my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 364

Ambulances ain't cheap

By Mom - 29/03/2024 03:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 120

Life's good

By Petergibbons - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines, and inadvertently eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 328

You deserved it 2 928

Squatters' rights

By Anonymous - 23/04/2024 16:00 - United States - Auburn

Today, I found out the person that I’ve been casually seeing has decided he wants to live with me. I found this out when I asked him to go home after two weeks sleeping over, and he told me he'd already moved out of his mom’s. I sublet a single bedroom and have barely enough room for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 164

Very risky move

By Meh meh - 10/05/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, as I was trying to impress my girlfriend of three months, I showed her the real diamond ring I'd got for my ex. She got an attitude for our whole three-hour car ride home because I'd brought up my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1 461

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 24/05/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, the woman I’ve loved, cared for, and nursed through cancer, left me for her ex since he wants to get married and I don’t. I didn’t know that a piece of paper and a white dress mean more than unconditional love and support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 536

Kinda effed up

By Anonymous - 03/06/2024 14:00 - Canada - Laval

Today, my sister is a murderer but my family admitted they prefer her over me. I had to move to a new city to get away from the media and drama, I have no friends, and the only family who calls me is my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 82

Toot toot!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 00:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a massive sneeze while driving. It was so strong that I swerved and accidentally hit the horn, startling the person crossing the street. They dropped their coffee all over themselves and their phone. I ended up giving them cash for a new phone out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 258

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

The Top

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 306

You deserved it 3 563

Today, after six months of doing the job of 2 people, because all my coworker does is sleep and sit down with her phone, I told my boss that I can't be doing my coworker's job and getting the same salary as her. My boss added just $10 to my salary and told me to let her carry on doing nothing, while I still do the work of 2 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 131

The Top

Today, a coworker and I had our second date at my place. He wanted to show me pictures of himself in some club, where he had been a member in highschool. He started typing his name into the google search bar and it suggested his name from when I had googled him months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 717

You deserved it 1 444

Today, I was flirting with a cute bartender on my last day in Spain. It was going well until we somehow got onto the topic of how I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of 3 years via Facebook. He spent the next 5 minutes laughing and telling his coworkers how hilarious that was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 262

You deserved it 8 996

Today, I tested positive for COVID-19. I just spent 5 weeks at a job training and was supposed to go on holiday on Monday, the first since 2019. Now I can’t even go home and hug my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 185

Today, a bee flew into my car, I panicked, swerved off the road, and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice, I fled the scene. Later, my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said, "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 485

You deserved it 44 857

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 995

You deserved it 34 935

Today, after not dating for 2 years, I went out on 2 dates. I got stood up both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 150