The Top

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I'll take it

By Not That Old - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 458

You deserved it 6 891

Red flag

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Elk River

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 278

You deserved it 3 732

Gutted

By G…… - 28/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try a new "exotic" restaurant that just recently opened. I paid almost a hundred bucks for a bowl of oily meat sludge and a bunch of mushy vegetables, then got to shit my brains out all night. Exotic my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 133

Freudian slip

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 13:00 - United States - Rolling Meadows

Today, during sex, my (now ex) boyfriend called out the name of the new female coworker that he told me just last night "not to worry about." He's known her for a week. We were together for 8 and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 139

Murder scene

By Anonymous - 11/03/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Greenwich

Today, I saw two crows in a park using their beaks to kiss each other. A fucking crow gets more action than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 335

Fast response

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 577

You deserved it 4 276

You are always on my mind

By Me. - 23/04/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, it's been almost five years since the cat I grew up with passed away. I STILL have dreams where she's alive and well, only to be utterly crushed when I wake up and realize it's just that: a dream. I also have dreams like this with my grandma, who died last year. I guess I'll never get over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 101

Same!

By shut_up - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Roseburg

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 164

You deserved it 5 898

TW: Abuse

By Anonymous - 17/05/2024 23:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, months after my dad's death, my mother keeps telling me she "realized" how abusive he was, and how she wished she knew, but she swears innocence when I tell her she was just as abusive and enabled it all while he was alive, even being in the same room and doing nothing while he beat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 83

Mortified

By Anonymous - 19/05/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, my vibrator rolled out of my bag so far down the table that I couldn’t catch it, and had to run round the table to grab it by leaning between two of my male coworkers. That vibrator lives under my bed, so the only way it could've got in my work bag would be my boyfriend pranking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 180

Busted

By Anonymous - 26/05/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my perfect princess sister is finally going to jail where she belongs. My parents, who doted on her while dumping shit on me, blame me for “being a bad influence and not talking to the judge on her behalf.” I’m a technical engineer; what influence do they think I have in a criminal court? FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 103

Love Island IRL

By Anonymous - 23/06/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 191

Jerry Maguire moment

By Anonymous - 27/06/2024 05:00

Today, it's been a week since my new boss destroyed our business in less than an hour. His first instruction was, “Fire that old guy who was rude to me.” That old guy was our lead fabrication engineer, with 45 years experience. He took 10 other engineers with him as he left, and most of our repeat customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 100

Pull the wool

By Anonymous - 28/06/2024 23:30 - India - Pune

Today, my girlfriend is fucking somebody else and she thinks I don't know. I'm too afraid to lose her, so I haven't told her that I know. I'm not sure why I'm not ready to let her go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 641

Chemical warfare

By Anonymous - 12/07/2024 21:00 - Canada - Terrace

Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 428

Oh no you don't!

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to my partner showering me with love and gifts. Confused, I asked, "What's the occasion?" It was our anniversary. Not only had I forgotten, but I'd also scheduled a gaming marathon with friends for the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 855

Nature, nurture…?

By Anonymous - 02/08/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it seems that despite being twins, my brother and I are very different people. Last week I got written up at work for taking too long a lunch break. This afternoon he got written up for having sex at work, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 104

Pumpkin spice season is coming

By Chris - 18/08/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was home alone and decided to try on my Halloween costume, a giant inflatable dinosaur suit. As I was prancing around the living room, my doorbell rang. Without thinking, I answered it. It was the mailman with a package. The look on his face as he handed a T-rex a box was priceless, but now he probably thinks I’m nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 400

Unintentional insult

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 09:00 - Slovenia

Today, I work at an IT company where we hand out laptops to our users, which we also equip with passwords. I used bird names from my language for the passwords. Turns out one of the passwords was a derogatory word for a woman who is very sexually active, because it's spelled the same as a type of bird here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 121

Wait until she's left the room at least!

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 11:00 - United States - Truckee

Today, I messed up by forgetting that reflections on glasses can make a private experience VERY public. I only this realized after my mom asked what I was looking at; she definitely saw a lot more dick than she would have liked. I feel like such a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 401

Justice for Holly!

By Hollyisacat - 21/09/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my father was serious when he said he was going to “disown Holly for being a wh*re” and getting pregnant at a young age. First of all, Holly is our cat; second, this wouldn’t have happened if my parents took her to get spayed like the vet said, and kept her inside instead of letting her roam the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 80

I can fix him

By Anonymous - 05/10/2024 22:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I realised I'm like the Mary Poppins of dating. I keep meeting these broken men, I help them through their stuff, only for them to date someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 120

Love is love

By Taylor505 - 07/10/2024 08:00 - United States - Ocala

Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 96

The fun police has arrived

By shonfyr - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Spain

Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 335

You deserved it 10 252

Reunited

By naladetet - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Newark

Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 029

You deserved it 4 470

With friends like these…

By z…… - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - Greece

Today, I found out my "best friends" have gone on a crazy weekend and they didn't invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 649

You deserved it 4 941

You fool

By Anonymous - 25/10/2024 12:00 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, my wife and I both spent a weekend away separately with our close friends. However, we ran into each other, unplanned, at the airport. She was with her girls and I was with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 1 620

Thanks, I hate it!

By Dimples - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Sanford

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 877

You deserved it 3 528

Keep the change

By imwithapples22 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 062

You deserved it 2 449

Get me out of this time loop!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2024 03:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I ran into an old friend at the grocery store and told them, "Let’s catch up soon!" We then ran into each other in every single aisle. It got awkwarder and awkwarder, and by the fifth time I was pretty sure neither of us wanted to see the other ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 131

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 245

You deserved it 4 765

Today, my husband filed for divorce. He also put himself “In a relationship” with my daughter on Facebook. She turned 18 a few days ago. He says it’s no big deal because, “at least I waited until she was legal.” The spineless idiot just doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 160

The Top

Today, my teenage son informed me that when he’s too lazy to walk to the bathroom, he uses the kitchen sink as a toilet. I use that sink every day to wash vegetables for my family's dinner. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 126

You deserved it 336

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 049

You deserved it 1 403

Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't that bad if you think about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 855

You deserved it 1 353

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 776

You deserved it 3 218

Today, I was walking to the optometrist when I saw my creepy stalker following me. The entire shopping centre then sounded the alarm, so the rail was half down. Desperate to get away from my stalker, I turned around and walked out the store and hit my head on the rail in front of the employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 146

Today, I took a picture of my knob on my girlfriend's cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 021

You deserved it 41 471