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By fuck you, dad - 27/09/2012 18:36 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 711

You deserved it 6 318

By red - 27/09/2012 11:37 - United States - Portland

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 109

You deserved it 8 276

The neighbor from Hell

By Creeped - 27/09/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 868

You deserved it 1 818

By dontrapeme - 26/09/2012 10:30 - United States

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 951

You deserved it 1 946

By bacon lovers worst nightmare - 26/09/2012 06:57 - United States - San Diego

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 120

You deserved it 5 876

Check these out

By ahappypenguin - 26/09/2012 04:07

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 051

You deserved it 2 035

By pplsuck - 25/09/2012 23:57 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 328

You deserved it 2 782

By PerpetuallyHappy - 25/09/2012 23:20 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 919

You deserved it 1 941

By Jograd - 25/09/2012 17:13 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 900

You deserved it 1 688

By badluckryan - 25/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I received a drunken prank call from a girl I didn't know around 1am. I don't know what's sadder, that I carried out the conversation for 30 minutes, or that this was the first girl to call me in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 540

You deserved it 2 960

By oreoblizzard619 - 25/09/2012 12:13 - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 577

You deserved it 3 205

By akosirm - 25/09/2012 02:28 - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 345

You deserved it 13 465

By Hello Nurse - 24/09/2012 04:32 - United States - El Macero

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 394

You deserved it 1 771

By Anonymous - 24/09/2012 02:26 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 595

You deserved it 1 573

By future MIL slasher - 23/09/2012 21:05 - United States - Rindge

Today, I was driving home on the highway with my wife and her parents. As I overtook another car, a rock got kicked up into our windshield. My wife screamed about the crack it created, while my mother-in-law goaded her on and mocked my "piss-poor driving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 028

You deserved it 2 182

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 17:28 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 807

You deserved it 1 988

By creepedasfuck - 23/09/2012 16:50 - United States - Limington

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 202

You deserved it 2 381

By Hairless freak - 23/09/2012 08:14 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, after weeks of dealing with a bad hair cut, my hair finally grew back to my preferred length. Today is also the day my roommate replaced my shampoo with hair remover as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 530

You deserved it 1 865

TMI!

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 04:32 - United States

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 122

You deserved it 2 164

By ak_6694 - 22/09/2012 07:29 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 642

You deserved it 2 200

ak_6694 tells us more.

ak_6694 16

Sunday 23 September 2012 6:12

For anyone who is interested, she has taken it with good humour and is still laughing about it. It's one of those electronic scales, so I did briefly get her to believe that due to the GFC, the scales would say she was putting on more pounds than kilos before I came clean with the truth.

By IHateMyLife - 22/09/2012 06:59 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 887

You deserved it 2 030

By hopelesscollegestudent - 21/09/2012 16:22 - Canada

Today, I asked my college chemistry teacher for some much-needed help. Instead of explaining anything to me, she scoffed that if I don't understand something, I should "just Google it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 051

You deserved it 2 017

By minibuch1505 - 21/09/2012 11:31 - France - Halluin

Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 775

You deserved it 6 727

By for_fs_sake - 21/09/2012 10:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 558

You deserved it 25 302

for_fs_sake tells us more.

for_fs_sake 1

Friday 21 September 2012 17:22

I called the hospital this morning and was informed by the duty nurse that yes, I definitely should have been told not to drink on the new meds. When I asked why the doc didn't mention it, she replied that "the doctor has been very busy as she's now taken on a management position and she must have forgotten". Fabulous! Happily, my husband's very understanding, and the new guy thinks it's hilaaaaaaaaaaaarious. So right now, I guess it's the lack of shoes and lack of dignity that are the real problems. And yes - I've heard I was a BLAST to drink with last night, until the whole shrub-shoe-booty-text debacle. God, I'm a moron.

By RawrSparkle - 21/09/2012 07:31 - United States - Davis

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 133

You deserved it 14 379

By Emily - 21/09/2012 01:39 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 181

You deserved it 2 027

By Snickerfritz - 20/09/2012 21:40 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, as I left work for the parking lot, I noticed two full trashbags duct-taped to my car. They were marked as my property. According to the note left on my windshield, my ex-roommate thought he'd be kind enough to bring my things to me to save me the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 964

You deserved it 2 206

Snickerfritz tells us more.

Snickerfritz 8

Saturday 22 September 2012 0:35

This is the OP. He did this because he propositioned sex to me every night when his girlfriend was out of town. I always said no and told him to gtfo. He kicked me out, so I told his girlfriend and showed her the texts.

By Anonymous - 20/09/2012 04:14 - United States

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 419

You deserved it 29 086