Not to be rude or anything, but you sound awfully bitter. I've been in a relationship where my needs weren't met, and I can tell you, it wasn't that difficult for me to find somebody else to meet those needs. It was all about emotional support, and sometimes you need to go outside of a relationship to finally get the courage to end it. I know it sounds like a ridiculous thing to say, but in my situation, the little emotional affair I had with one of my best guy friends was the best things that has ever happened to me. Say what you will, but I will stand by the fact that if you're being emotionally neglected and/or abused, it is perfectly fine to seek what you need elsewhere.

Kawaii- I really hope you meant to say you'd dump the person first before finding another, if your needs weren't met.

205: In cases of abuse, the victim still shouldn't cheat. He or she should probably focus on getting free, healing, and redefining him- or herself before clinging to another person. So often, victims of abuse become codependent on the abusers; without relearning independence afterward, the chances of developing another unhealthy relationship, be it abusive or not, are pretty good. Kawaii: I think I see what you mean, and I really don't believe in the whole "Once a cheater, always a cheater" adage. I wouldn't judge your situation without knowing you and it much, much more intimately, but I'd venture to guess that your experience was probably atypical. I think good things can certainly come out of something like an affair (heck, I kind of did!), but there's typically-- not always, but typically-- a hefty price to pay as well, in things like regret, guilt, lost trust, betrayal, etc.

Also, 205, "[TAKING] THE KIDS AND THE MONEY!!!" is generally a really shitty perspective to take during a divorce. Being a crap husband doesn't make him a bad or unworthy dad, and keeping the kids away from him is likely to cause a lot of anger and resentment from them down the road. A nasty, vindictive, financially vengeful divorce will do that, too. OP needs to avoid being blinded by her own rage and spite so she can focus on healing for herself and her kids. Therapy is probably a good idea.

@Kawaiichan: Um, do you even think about the things you say before you say them? Because here you are admitting to emotionally cheating because your needs were not being met, yet in your reply to me you say that is no excuse for cheating. So, was it a typo or are you a hypocrite?

It wasn't a typo, and no, I'm not a hypocrite. I haven't been sleeping much lately, so my brain is not functioning correctly. Also, in a marriage, cheating is completely and utterly wrong and should never be done. I was in a shitty high school relationship with a guy who manipulated the hell out of me and damn well near isolated me from my whole family and all of my friends. So, no under usual "my needs aren't being met" circumstances cheating is still a shitty thing to do, and in a marriage it should never even be considered. My situation was a tad unique, as the guy I was with was too afraid to do anything more than neglect and emotionally abuse me. My friend pointed this out to me one night when I called him because I didn't have anybody else to call after a family emergency, since my boyfriend had been too busy to even bother asking what was wrong. He offered me a way out, and that was all it was. It wasn't a long-term cheating thing where he was my "other boyfriend" and we went on dates or anything. He gave me a reason and helped me leave a bad relationship.

217: Yes, if it was strictly a "my needs are just not being met" thing, I would leave before finding somebody to better meet my needs. However, that wasn't really an option for me.

So you're saying just because so many people do something it makes it ok to do? If so, then you're talking crap. Yes, people cheat, and they hurt people, hurting people is not ok, no matter how common it is or how it's done. And how can she deserve this? If the husband wanted more, he could have told her, and if that didn't work he should have left her honestly, it would hurt less for all concerned in the long run. Also, how is the OP being cheated on "hilarious"?