Intimacy: Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking...

By jo - 20/02/2010 10:47 - United States

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 502

You deserved it 6 088

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Love is love

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 01:59

Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 779

Great date

By okthen - 10/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 1 764

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 584

You deserved it 24 334

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 13:00 - United States

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 989

You deserved it 3 775

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 796

You deserved it 2 359

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 281

You deserved it 306

By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 130

You deserved it 3 896

By not a shitty situation so fuck you - 24/06/2016 22:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 854

You deserved it 773

By Anonymous - 24/10/2017 06:00

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 582

You deserved it 7 168

By tequilashot - 20/09/2016 04:40 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 623

You deserved it 4 824

tokintot07 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 16:25

well don't **** him if he's drunk. i hope you made him clean it up.

eeeeeeee 5

Saturday 20 February 2010 16:38

You 'finally got to?' You sound like a child who's just been allowed to go to the amusement park for the first time. Quit placing so much importance on hooking up with idiots.

Comments

oped01 8

Saturday 20 February 2010 17:58

You should have put his face in it like the mutt that he is and put him out naked in the yard to sleep it off. then dump the mad "dumper".

piinkbunnii 1

Saturday 20 February 2010 18:05

Make him clean it up with his tongue。＾－＾

shizzzlerrr 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 18:07

how the hell did he have a hard on if he was "sinfully drunk"??

sourgirl101 28

Saturday 20 February 2010 18:15

Maybe him being drunk is the only way he would bang you? ; ) Anyways I'm sure he'll dump you 'cause no one wants that on their resume'

hjrn 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 18:11

You should have hooked up with him. He obviously wasn't as into the date as you if he had to show up that drunk. YDI.

mattm0294 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 18:22

3 steps 1.tear out you carpet, because let's face it you're not gonna wanna deal with the guys crap any more than you have to 2.place douchebag on shitstain and promptly roll him up 3.place your "roll o' douche" in the middle of your nearest walmart, ENJOY! :)