Health: Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd...

By billiams15 - 06/05/2012 21:57 - United States - Katy

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 426

You deserved it 4 331

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Same thing different taste

Full of it

By romoangel - 21/04/2020 05:00

Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 563

Rip it up and start again

By Anonymous - 24/12/2022 15:00

Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 122

By fulloshit - 28/11/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 070

You deserved it 4 597

By Anonymous - 11/09/2016 05:52 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 229

You deserved it 1 087

Take deep breath…

By paininthe*ss - 13/02/2023 00:00

Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 127

By blehh - 14/04/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 293

You deserved it 54 669

By stoolgal - 23/09/2016 06:19 - United States - Yukon

Today, I found out after a lot of panic and a visit to the gynecologist that the lump in my vagina isn't cancer. I was just constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 505

You deserved it 1 447

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 19:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 715

You deserved it 4 322

By John - 24/06/2011 07:17 - United States

Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 125

You deserved it 3 430

What a way to spend the day

By theark - 22/08/2022 10:00

Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 86

mubaki 18

Monday 7 May 2012 0:57

My colonoscopy results showed that I had crohn's disease. If you're unhappy with yours, let's trade

yrkamurka 4

Monday 7 May 2012 0:55

What what in the butt.

Comments

PamChopsWithMint 5

Monday 7 May 2012 4:05

That's shitty.

eccentrix 12

Monday 7 May 2012 4:32

lol, I get it.

maxamus951852 3

Monday 7 May 2012 4:11

So would you rather have found out that you had colon cancer, OP?

jayisacooter 1

Monday 7 May 2012 4:35

NO!!!! You took it up the ass to find out the problem isn't your colon dipshit

stormchaser24 24

Monday 7 May 2012 4:36

More like Today, I found out I don't have a disease and I am fine. FML. Why did you choice that option first?

Lord_Nord 4

Monday 7 May 2012 4:44

Would you rather have learned that you have cancer ? Stfu

aestheticbarbie 0

Monday 7 May 2012 4:58

Anything for butt sex.

gottageek 17

Monday 7 May 2012 5:14

Been there :/ ask for a ct scan. Could be a clot.

Sora_McKain 36

Monday 7 May 2012 5:20

Colonoscopies are uncomfortable, i feel for you man, hope your ok.

angelinaanimerg 7

Monday 7 May 2012 5:27

Oh wow... Im really sorry that you are healthy :( ... Oh wait.. Stop complaining and celebrate

KriiFahMoro 9

Monday 7 May 2012 5:34

Oh noes, theres nothing wrong with you! Oh wait, there IS something wrong with you. Youre complaining about good results, idiot.

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The Top

Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

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Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

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The Top

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

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Today, the mother of my children and partner of 13 years told me she is leaving me for her boss. I'm currently sitting in the living room with our two kids and her mother. Everyone here is half of her. We moved 1000 miles away from all of my family and friends 8 years ago. I think I might be living in a sitcom. FML

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You deserved it 141

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling several people that my fiancé and I will be moving into her house for the foreseeable future. All because we're moving to a city close by for jobs and are still searching for housing. I found this out from several of the people she told. FML

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Today, my husband of 19 years took our children out for dinner, told them he's gay, then sent them home to tell me for him. FML

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Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 133

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

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You deserved it 78 191