Intimacy: Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't...

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 1 824

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 636 922

You deserved it 798 795

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 876

You deserved it 8 704

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 179

You deserved it 10 863

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 018

You deserved it 639

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 590

You deserved it 9 943

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 323

You deserved it 3 186

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 016

You deserved it 45 627

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 673

You deserved it 89 256

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 795

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 834

You deserved it 13 051

citylights 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

hahahahahaha that is ******

Anony_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

Pull out method doesn't work. You're ****** for life.

Comments

Cinole 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 11:23

Why does she start out looking like a guy? It didn't say anything about that in the original FML.

FMLfangirl89 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 15:26

Her uterus FTW. HAHA sorry dude.

ajmhooper 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 21:20

HILARIOUS FML :)

franko_fml 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 22:58

killing her is an almost perfect solution

greenltrn2003 0

Friday 19 June 2009 18:25

ahahaha!!!

goof82 0

Friday 19 June 2009 2:37

what everyone keeps forgetting is that the guy was drunk.. he prob wasnt thinking straight

GoldenSofa 0

Friday 19 June 2009 4:32

#1000!

xstaticdelta 6

Friday 19 June 2009 5:12

NOBODY ****ING CARES YOU DOUCHE

MsMegaroo 0

Friday 19 June 2009 6:17

Dudee...like u dont hav to bleep with *'s This site is FUCKmylife com so dont wrry bout lil kids readin this shit And if they r...then they probs know swears!!!

koda_fml 0

Friday 19 June 2009 6:09

Punch her stomach

MsMegaroo 0

Friday 19 June 2009 6:13

I dont relly get the illustration...if it was a guy, u wudnt hav to wrry bout the whole baby making process thing...

missshortstack 0

Friday 19 June 2009 7:41

to #1004, i think he drew it like that cause she was ugly and she got prettier as she drank. was never a guy and woah dude, thats kinda ****** up. i laugehd hard when i read this.