Love: Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy....

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By Lauren - 20/08/2012 03:53 - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 704

You deserved it 4 180

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Same thing different taste

Revenge is sweet

By Anonymous - 12/10/2013 22:03 - Iceland - Akranes

Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 269

You deserved it 27 816

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 272

You deserved it 689

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 565

You deserved it 5 938

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 580

You deserved it 2 949

By crawfo - 31/08/2009 13:54 - Australia

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 347

You deserved it 12 076

Nerves, dear?

By First date - 30/03/2021 02:00

Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 152

Trading places

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bremerton

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 650

You deserved it 2 861

By TheHeirofTime - 15/08/2016 15:11 - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 262

You deserved it 1 737

Maybe he's into that...

By pissypants - 25/11/2017 19:00

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 3 539

Brilliant

By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 633

You deserved it 2 040

giantsfan2010 23

Monday 20 August 2012 9:01

Don't tell her?

myth454 2

Monday 20 August 2012 9:02

You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.

Comments

astralvagan 20

Monday 20 August 2012 9:10

Sounds like you have an "Everybody Loves Raymond" situation.... My advice would be to move to another town and not tell her when you're going on a date.

JazzyByProxy 14

Monday 20 August 2012 9:11

Perhaps, she's trying to help you move a lil water weight thus becoming more attractive to the opposite sex. Or maybe she's a spiteful bitch. Some people just want to watch your arsehole burn.

JazzyByProxy 14

Monday 20 August 2012 9:17

FUUUUUARRRKK my FmyLife commenting faux pa!!! Re-edit because I timed the **** out! This is starting to feel like a bad Lil John remix.

PeteyPablo12308 20

Monday 20 August 2012 12:53

Oh no... It's much worse, believe me.

DarkHelmet 10

Monday 20 August 2012 9:12

If this is the 4th time it's happened and you continue to eat her food before dates I'm afraid I have to say you kind of deserve it

perdix 29

Monday 20 August 2012 9:13

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me n times, where n is an integer >= 3, I am a ******* moron.

DarkHelmet 10

Monday 20 August 2012 10:35

Your theory is sound

erinchick1 7

Monday 20 August 2012 12:35

I like your theory it makes a hell of a lot of sense.

Ugi 26

Tuesday 28 August 2012 17:17

I'm interested in the fact that you needed to specify that n was an integer. Could one be fooled a non-integer number of times? If so, would being fooled 1020.6 or 11/3 times mean that you are not a moron? Please clarify.

evaki1 12

Monday 20 August 2012 9:17

That's a shitty situation (someone had to say it)

SenselessPattern 12

Monday 20 August 2012 11:58

What if 22# survives and it becomes the sequel to Castaway? Never did find out what happened to Wilson...

eggmarie 25

Monday 20 August 2012 14:31

Someone already did. And it didn't end well for them, either.

weasel123 9

Monday 20 August 2012 9:18

This somewhat reminded me of the laxative/diarrhea scene on Dumb and Dumber. Anyone else think that? Anyone? No?

Psykotix 4

Monday 20 August 2012 9:18

So did you not learn the first 3 times or what? Poison her.

Countryrose0524 7

Monday 20 August 2012 9:22

She wants you to be hers and only hers forever. She really just loves the shit out of you lol

mrsmaglietta 6

Monday 20 August 2012 9:25

wow move out and call cps

perdix 29

Monday 20 August 2012 9:27

Go on to Craigslist and find a freak who is into Cleveland Steamers. I'll bet after his dream date with you, he'll send flowers to both you AND your mom. Problem solved. YWIA.