Intimacy: Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the...

FML for mobile
Free

By Heather - 12/11/2012 21:20 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 214

You deserved it 3 242

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By movingout - 26/01/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 642

You deserved it 5 311

By Moanie - 15/03/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 372

You deserved it 29 522

By tireedddddd - 25/11/2011 16:24 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 108

You deserved it 2 485

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 295

You deserved it 3 337

By MacGrouber - 17/03/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 850

You deserved it 4 749

Confusing

By frenchpop1960 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 589

You deserved it 42 139

Creeped out

By shawty - 22/08/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 203

You deserved it 6 473

By 4am blues - 13/07/2015 04:39 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 341

You deserved it 2 566

By Anonymous - 18/04/2019 00:00

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 038

You deserved it 296

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 700

You deserved it 2 385

swagisforchumps 9

Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:28

Um... how did you learn that?

heinous966 15

Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:28

Your fathers windshield must be quite dirty.

Comments

soccergurl19 4

Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:34

That sucks!!

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 13 November 2012 4:56

don't be silly. she cant make bird noises and suck at the same time :-)

lininnes 6

Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:35

so how's OP's dad sounds like when he comes??...gun-shot??

buckdharma 37

Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:51

dont you know about the bird ? well everybodys heard about the bird.

iHeartMuzik 0

Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:53

How did you find out...

buckdharma 37

Tuesday 13 November 2012 10:57

a little bird told me...

iHeartMuzik 0

Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:53

How did you find out...

superguppy19 3

Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:56

Eww god dammit

TrafalgarLaw_fml 4

Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:58

Childhood status: Scarred beyond repair.

buckdharma 37

Tuesday 13 November 2012 3:00

blackbird singing in the dead of night. huh.

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 13 November 2012 7:02

All your life, you were only waiting for this penis to arise.

buckdharma 37

Tuesday 13 November 2012 3:02

bend over let me see you shake your tail feather.

arcottrammathorn 1

Tuesday 13 November 2012 3:03

Awesome

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Shopping Money Capitalism Health Dentist Gross Food Love Mental health Awkward Party Scams Weddings Miscellaneous Embarrassing Relatable Argument Relationship advice Furniture Cute Periods Poopoo peepee Bosses Stressed out Work Keys Transportation Sports Cars Alcohol

The Top

Today, and for the past month, my younger sibling has been having suicidal thoughts. This is causing our parents to put them on a pedestal and treat them like a princess. They’ve made me give them my money to get themselves treats and they don’t even get what they say they’re going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 70

Today, my parents came to the restaurant I work at as a waiter. After, I picked up the check to realize they had left me a $500 tip! We split the tips among the employees so I only got $50 back but I was still psyched. When I got home they asked me if I had noticed that they used my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 016

You deserved it 6 962

The Top

Today, I came up with a new system: If I want to buy something, I must do a chore first. I thought my laziness would keep me from impulsive shopping. Instead, my entire apartment is sparkling clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 871

You deserved it 1 074

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 345

You deserved it 3 977

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 003

You deserved it 72 219

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 763

You deserved it 1 092

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 331

Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 901

You deserved it 33 908

Same thing different taste

Confusing

Creeped out

Top comments

Comments