By theregoesmyspermcount - 02/08/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
I agree, your life sucks 69 854
You deserved it 5 704
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

redbluegreen 40

I'd suggest you invest in a giant human bubble. Or a cup.

100 4

Comments

evilbrent 0

inform him that you've decided to start pouring small amounts of talcum powder into his nose while he sleeps to give him emphysema - "Isn't that what you're saying Dad? That we've decided to start assaulting each other? Ok."

0 1
Tobeitkowl 0

Alright I guess I'll be the one to say it... FALCON PAWWNCH

0 0
Sharrakor 0

Wow, even I hadn't though of that until now. However, a Falcon Punch is far too slow for a randomly-executed ******** assault. How about a tap of the A button, which is a lightning-fast jab? That's all that's needed.

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trancekid 0

This is totally domestic abuse/ child abuse. I also suggest taking up Chin Na. It will drastically improve your reflexes and allow you to drop a man like a newborn giraffe, no matter how big. Also, you will learn in Chin Na that you can kill a man if you hit him in the balls hard enough. And then report him to the police. OR...you could go to child welfare/ CPS to inform them that you fear going home. Then tell them the reason. He will get a visit that he doesn't like, and then if he takes it out on you, go back and show them the damage.

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BlueLettuce 0

Umh... I don't think teens would be brave enough to show their balls to strangers.

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waterynuggets 0

BOMBARDMENT But yeah if you're under 18 call CPS, if not, someone, please!!

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aback 4

Maybe you could tell him you plan to randomly drape those plastic bags that dry-cleaning comes in over his face while he's sleeping to improve his reflexes.

1 0
reader101 0

congratulations you have won an award for having the world's craziest dad.

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merebear1987 0

maybe it's to teach you a lesson for calling him an EX marine. FORMER... never an "ex"

3 0
Bella_999 0

bahahahhahaha. classic.

0 0
chowyuk 0

child abuse? domestic violence? how bout op being a f'n woman. take a joke people. and there is such thing as an ex Marine one that was a piece of shit and got a dishonarable discharge

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Sharrakor 0

No, OP is clearly a man, as indicated by the text under the FML... "On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)"

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