Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch,...

By fuckadaisical - 06/12/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 445

You deserved it 8 904

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Same thing different taste

Kinky

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 187

You deserved it 12 023

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 789

You deserved it 4 770

By fmysexlife - 27/07/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 642

You deserved it 15 441

Sensual world

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 15:05 - United Kingdom - Eastleigh

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 248

You deserved it 3 011

Hangry sex

By Krissy - 06/04/2012 02:11 - United States

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 187

You deserved it 4 860

Break time

By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 210

How could you?

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 510

You deserved it 37 000

By sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 285

You deserved it 10 377

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 573

You deserved it 5 722

By notsohot - 25/08/2019 00:01

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 2 307

niatross 16

Saturday 7 December 2013 1:54

Well did you like it

Nyx_fml 23

Saturday 7 December 2013 1:56

It's sweet that he cares about keeping you well-fed.

Comments

lauraamyyx 2

Saturday 7 December 2013 2:26

I'd of taken that! Why is this on fml?!

ASBriere 8

Saturday 7 December 2013 2:26

That is awesome

wvcheesehead 13

Saturday 7 December 2013 2:33

Hope he did not serve Vienna sausage.

beaverteaser 16

Saturday 7 December 2013 2:43

no thanks. but I will take a beaver on rye

41swags 9

Saturday 7 December 2013 3:12

Was it good?

Fernando83 19

Saturday 7 December 2013 3:26

Did you get the six-inch or the foot-long?

McPickleStache 10

Saturday 7 December 2013 3:34

at least you won't go hungry, that Is if you took up his offer

animalxcrackers 20

Saturday 7 December 2013 3:37

Take a big BITE.

Phoebe_Buffay 14

Saturday 7 December 2013 3:46

Are you the same person who's boyfriend told you to eat that "cockmeat sandwich" in an older fml?

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 7 December 2013 3:52

How did that one go over?

FlyingPie 17

Saturday 7 December 2013 3:57

Based on the fact that this is a FML on fmylife.com, how do you think?

Keywords

Food Miscellaneous Toxic Family Gross Health Love Valentine's Day Homeowners Home improvement Kids Awkward Drugs Babysitter Music Lonely Crush Wanker Intimacy Relatable Animals Cats Work Coworkers Transportation Airplanes Embarrassing Sleep Mental health Cute

The Top

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 414

You deserved it 36 027

Today, my family surprised me for my birthday by showing up with a chocolate cake and my ex-boyfriend from back home. They all forgot I'm allergic to chocolate, that I broke up with him about a year ago, and that he’s been trying to win me back ever since. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 31 826

You deserved it 2 974

Today, I went to CVS to buy some tampons. The cashier said, "Ewwww... You're on your period." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 610

You deserved it 7 279

Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 519

You deserved it 71 430

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 113

You deserved it 74 056

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 992

You deserved it 4 927

Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 794