Miscellaneous: Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of...

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 208

You deserved it 2 419

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/09/2013 11:55 - United States - Louisville

Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 609

You deserved it 2 893

By Dragoness11 - 03/05/2019 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at a cheap restaurant, my dad asked me if I wanted a straw. I declined, saying I wanted to do my bit for the environment and not waste plastic when I'm fine without. He grabbed three and dropped them on the sticky table, "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 514

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 23:07 - United States - Auberry

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 718

You deserved it 13 273

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 10:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 711

You deserved it 2 423

By Anonymous - 27/12/2009 22:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 372

You deserved it 3 576

By phonemenace - 17/08/2011 09:50 - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 795

You deserved it 2 827

By maruskasommers - 09/01/2012 09:39 - Czech Republic

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 309

You deserved it 2 710

By ugh - 04/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 441

You deserved it 1 120

By sick of this shit - 12/03/2016 13:33 - United States - West Grove

Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 951

You deserved it 1 753

By Anonymous - 09/03/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 767

You deserved it 7 946

H3RPxD3RP 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 8:57

Better than 50,000 knives in your car

grahambertus 11

Tuesday 10 January 2012 9:07

I dont know man. They're both some pretty forked up ideas. I hope nothing like that happens to me any time spoon. Its just knife to know that I'm safe at the moment.

Comments

ramboman19 8

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:01

Why not collect sporks!? They are made with real bits and pieces of spoons and forks!

Avalanches 9

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:09

Wide world of sporks.

cash_monkey72 9

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:32

Makes more sense than forks, knives, and spoons.

THGforthe2ndtime 7

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:40

At least your mom doesn't scratch your dad's ass with them.

Jesus_Christ69 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 13:01

FOON

9R1NC3S5 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 13:13

I swear, you Americans are facked!

THE_A_TEEN 27

Tuesday 10 January 2012 15:07

Why are you generalizing all of america? It could happen anywhere in the civilized world.

chaoguy789 4

Tuesday 10 January 2012 15:05

Its like 10,000 sporks when all you need is a knife!

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:46

Isn't it ironic!!! I was going to quote Alanis Morissette!

linkinpark98 23

Tuesday 10 January 2012 15:41

Epic dad! :D

ryden94 1

Tuesday 10 January 2012 17:41

going to taco bell lately? thats where i can only find them at..and they are so nifty to have though haha

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:52

Wow, that has to be a lot of sporks if they're filling up the car. They're not big, so they don't take up a lot of space. HOARDER ALERT!

Keywords

Awkward Lonely Love Party Cars ADHD Transportation Ironic Vacation Mental health Work Accident Miscellaneous Grandparents Annoying Covid Health Kids Shopping Cute Coworkers Dogs Animals Art Photography Videos Exhausted Sex Intimacy Money

The Top

Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 363

Today, I was uninvited to our usual family Thanksgiving, as well as the rest of the holidays with my extended family. Why? They found out who I voted for. I won't say who, but according to my aunt, I'm to blame for putting their son's healthcare at risk. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 1 082

The Top

Today, while on exchange in Spain, I tried to chat up a charming waiter. The Spanish teacher corrected my sentence’s structure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 130

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 428

You deserved it 1 431

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 496

You deserved it 3 591

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150 410

You deserved it 22 965

Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 124

You deserved it 364

Same thing different taste

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