Intimacy: Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat... - FML

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 736

You deserved it 15 210

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 288

You deserved it 2 451

Sharing is caring

By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Spicy

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 182

You deserved it 578

By tracy4191 - 18/09/2016 05:21 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 558

You deserved it 737

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 305

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 982

You deserved it 53 802

By bottomdrawerraider - 17/11/2010 17:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 065

You deserved it 12 201

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 236

You deserved it 96 461

By mster233 - 09/10/2010 03:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 345

You deserved it 5 828

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 381

You deserved it 1 667

By Sarah - 25/08/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 654

You deserved it 10 420

Next

Top comments

austincain117 16

Monday 1 December 2014 22:38

I guess having a ***** is a dildont ha get it? no... okay...

emissy 14

Monday 1 December 2014 22:39

I, personally, would not touch someone else's *****

Comments

15Erik 21

Tuesday 2 December 2014 7:18

Maybe the ***** was angry at you for beating it so hard...

brittyboo123 35

Tuesday 2 December 2014 7:45

I never understood why parents freak out over masturbation. it's normal not like you're the spawn of satan.

pitapizzaparty 18

Tuesday 2 December 2014 7:46

Tbh . Thats hilarious! Sorry OP!

just1n12 18

Tuesday 2 December 2014 7:50

Saints Row type shit going on here!

martin8337 35

Tuesday 2 December 2014 9:43

Giggity?

THEDARKLORDOFALL 17

Tuesday 2 December 2014 11:41

I'm sorry but that's is funny shit

SgtofHell 8

Tuesday 2 December 2014 12:23

GTA in real life..?

graphicstyle7 17

Tuesday 2 December 2014 12:40

Mom has some big issues about sex. Mine did too. Tolerate it while you need to live there, be your OWN person when you go.

mosquito19 14

Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:29

it's only funny if you're a dude.

kalbrek009 20

Tuesday 2 December 2014 17:32

my wife & I would have rather her daughter had one of those instead of sleeping with the jerks that she has from the time she was 15-17 yrs old (which shouldn't have happened), who all used her & broke her heart.

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Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Fat Bodyshaming Customers Love Am I overreacting? Facebook Social Media AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, my wife waited until we’d been married for two weeks to tell me she has a mountain of credit card debt that she’s been hiding from me. This explains why she insisted the mortgage and car be in my name, her credit score is so low that it’s almost a double digit FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 147

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 729

You deserved it 53 106

The Top

Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 184

You deserved it 5 861

Today, I was telling my new boyfriend some of my funny family stories. He gave me the most concerned look and asked honestly, “Have you ever thought about going to therapy?” Apparently the stories I told him not only weren’t funny, but pretty damn scary to him. Now he thinks I’m crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 347

Today, I politely complimented a stranger's excellent posture. She responded by saying "I have a metal rod in my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 585

You deserved it 7 206

Today, I was having the worst period cramps you could ever imagine. I cancelled the date I had with my "boyfriend." He replied, “Isn’t there some medicine you can take to make it go away?” When I told him I did and still had them, he said, “Fine, lose my number, I’ll find a girl who doesn’t have that shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 142

Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 948

You deserved it 2 841

Today, my mom thought it would be funny to wake me up with a monster mask on, holding a knife, and screaming, "I'm going to kill you!" My first response was to punch her in the face then kick her. Guess who's grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 487

You deserved it 97