Intimacy: Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat...

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 736

You deserved it 15 210

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Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 288

You deserved it 2 451

Sharing is caring

By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 182

You deserved it 578

By tracy4191 - 18/09/2016 05:21 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 558

You deserved it 737

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 305

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 982

You deserved it 53 802

By bottomdrawerraider - 17/11/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 065

You deserved it 12 201

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 236

You deserved it 96 461

By mster233 - 09/10/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 345

You deserved it 5 828

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 381

You deserved it 1 667

By Sarah - 25/08/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 654

You deserved it 10 420

austincain117 16

Monday 1 December 2014 22:38

I guess having a ***** is a dildont ha get it? no... okay...

emissy 14

Monday 1 December 2014 22:39

I, personally, would not touch someone else's *****

Comments

Blueeyes0106 11

Tuesday 2 December 2014 4:38

There's nothing wrong with owning a *****. It's better than a chance to get pregnant!

Saikon1357 25

Tuesday 2 December 2014 4:47

OPs gender is not determined. Let's all keep that in mind.

Maribel110 9

Tuesday 2 December 2014 4:54

my greatest fear come true....

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 2 December 2014 5:02

Please say you cleaned It really well after the last time you used it

vampy719 17

Tuesday 2 December 2014 5:23

I remember when my dad found mine ugh #fml to the max lol it sucks

joshi42 16

Tuesday 2 December 2014 5:27

Are you related to Hatchet Harry?

headofmedusa 15

Tuesday 2 December 2014 5:38

I'm having a hard time processing this. No pun intended.

XQuartzX 15

Tuesday 2 December 2014 6:41

**** blocker?

mld4657 28

Tuesday 2 December 2014 6:45

so I'm also thinking after I stop laughing that maybe the mom was jealous...

dustin007 15

Tuesday 2 December 2014 6:55

Was it a big one? Because that would make a difference!!

Keywords

Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Fat Bodyshaming Customers Love Am I overreacting? Facebook Social Media AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 655

You deserved it 5 885

Today, I was giving a presentation in front of my class. Mid-speech, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze and tried to hold it in. Instead, I let out the most obnoxious, window-rattling sneeze imaginable, complete with a spray of snot, which landed on my notes. I think I traumatized my classmates for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 114

The Top

Today, my boyfriend called me as I was getting ready for bed and asked me to pick him up from the bar. Being a loving girlfriend I drive the 45 minutes; when I get there his friend informs me he left about 45 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 452

You deserved it 5 190

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 100

You deserved it 9 834

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 290

Today, I got electrocuted at work. The boss thinks I'm faking, even though a chunk of my left hand is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 95

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 581

You deserved it 3 432

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 494

You deserved it 3 248