Intimacy: Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From... - FML

By lababy - 15/11/2011 17:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 783

You deserved it 21 154

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

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Same thing different taste

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 341

You deserved it 3 612

By poormom - 27/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 110

You deserved it 28 918

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 520

You deserved it 2 764

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Spicy

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 537

You deserved it 15 220

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 14:34 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 7 565

By epistaxis - 29/01/2009 02:31 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 730

You deserved it 3 958

Inappropriate but funny

By um... maybe - 12/03/2013 22:43 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 004

You deserved it 5 036

True

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 16:09

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 246

By Ben - 21/08/2009 21:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 307

You deserved it 4 727

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 382

You deserved it 3 651

Next

Top comments

jjames7543 13

Tuesday 15 November 2011 22:07

At least Dad was being honest

Savra_fml 17

Tuesday 15 November 2011 22:10

OPs Kid: "So, where do you come from Raul?" Raul: "From Madrid in Spain. How about you?" OPs Kid: "From my daddys penis"

Comments

chels1994 11

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:07

Well, he's gonna find out eventually

gracebbroo 5

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:20

Well Daddy seems like a top bloke (y)

nerdsgetmehot 22

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:21

He's going to have to find out sooner or later. How old is he? There's no use lying to him now that he knows the truth.

misterjez 15

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:45

You're cute :-)

efemel94 7

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:30

"When a mummy and a daddy love each very very much, they make a wish to the big man in the sky and close their eyes, and that son, is where babies come from. Lol jk you were a mistake from my stag do you little shit"

fmlismynewspaper 7

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:31

Pretty funny but really, from *******? Couldn't have said anything more modest

Vaginabutter 15

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:32

WIN

hateevryone 14

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:37

you need to slap "daddy" for saying it like that. he couldn't say making love or sex or intercourse?

lionlvr 9

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:38

Awesome dad.

whited666 0

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:41

Your husband is a good man! He doesn't lie!!

hate_to_love_him 1

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:49

OPs kis: "Daddy... whats *******?" next step: daddy shows kud **** :)

burtonbullet 10

Wednesday 16 November 2011 0:03

New FML: Today, my husband showed my child pornography. Now I can't get him off the computer. FML. Just wait for it...

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 488

You deserved it 15 053

Today, my 4 year-old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her cleavage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up, will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 556

You deserved it 4 813

The Top

Today, I stayed home from work because I'd had diarrhea for 24 hours and my gut felt horrible. I decided to at least enjoy some sun on my back porch in my swing chair. I stepped on an old board and my leg fell through to the knee, I couldn't move, and I was home alone. My neighbor cut the board that got me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 125

Today, it's the 11th time in a row my wife has promised sex, then backed out. Some were good valid reasons I’ll admit, but this time we got as far as naked dry-humping when she suddenly decided she was too upset about our cat dying 8 years ago, so instead she played on her phone until she fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 990

You deserved it 313

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 366

You deserved it 486

Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 759

You deserved it 2 875

Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 156

You deserved it 3 659

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 607

You deserved it 3 977