Intimacy: Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated... - FML

By pervert - 09/01/2010 06:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 538

You deserved it 28 764

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

Can't catch a break

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 18:30 - India - Bengaluru

Spicy

Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 374

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 426

You deserved it 7 454

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 214

You deserved it 39 614

By lindsaykay - 18/04/2012 00:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 168

You deserved it 4 122

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 755

You deserved it 57 265

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 472

You deserved it 8 079

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 766

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Spicy

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 296

You deserved it 5 777

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 770

You deserved it 5 871

By monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 368

You deserved it 13 428

Next

Top comments

playnejayne 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:30

that is really creepy. fyl.

Lord_Stubby 2

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:43

....over Dora the Explorer or was it just on?! Either way, ew.

Comments

rockstarcolie66 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 0:46

oh god the whole other world of dora

tiedwithsmiles 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 0:51

LOL IRL

Compass 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 4:00

You came when she said "We did it!"?

sextacular 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 4:57

People really need to learn the difference, stop assuming and commenting saying "UR A PEDOPHILE!!1one", he didn't say he was masturbating TO Dora, he said he was masturbating while it was on.

pwincessa23 1

Sunday 10 January 2010 4:57

Wow! that's just plain weird....

ladykhadijah 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 5:03

Wow...

Agent229 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 5:30

you just need to committ suicide

skeleton_skinner 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 6:10

Lmao to

urclremi 2

Sunday 10 January 2010 6:38

O_O errrr...uhhh... y do we have to know this?

BoostaRoosta 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 6:48

that fox is so hawt

MissOriginal 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 7:54

Yeah omg totally....

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The Top

Today, I was at a party, and heard a mutual acquaintance had been arrested. I asked what for, and was told "Cheese pizza." I yelled in confusion and outrage, since I thought they were joking. I was told later in private what "Cheese pizza" meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 142

Today, I had to give back the Christmas present to who I thought was my best friend. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I declined. Apparently, because I don’t feel the same way he does, I don’t deserve it. I was under the impression that he’d given me this present to be a friend, not to get in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 171

The Top

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend, who is embarrassed of her smoking habit and wants to quit, to smoke in front of me to break the shame. I was loving, supportive, and cheerful, and I kissed her after. I also got a boner. Now I wish she wouldn’t quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 564

Today, during a small argument over clothes of all things, I totally lost my temper and broke up with my boyfriend. He is refusing to take me back and I’m now screwed as his wage paid about 60% of our joint bills. I may lose my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 2 406

Today, I found a necklace that my parents had made for me. While looking at it, I realized my parents had spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 843

You deserved it 151

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 620

You deserved it 1 193

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 859

You deserved it 2 737

Today, I found out that my mother doesn't have Alzheimer's disease. This would be joyous news, except for the fact that one year prior to this day my grandmother lied to me so that I'd stay closer to home. I've been worrying over a nonexistent illness for an entire year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 85