Join an AA group && stay sober, that's my advice.

I love the way this is worded.

yomamma - get off the high horse there buddy. If someone is responsible, an adult and has their priorities in order (i.e., pay your bills, contribute to society in one way or another, etc.) then having a few drinks on the occassion isn't necessarily bad. Some people actually enjoy the taste of alcohol. People like the OP who are irresponsible when they drink and allow themselves to jeopordize their lives are the ones who shouldn't drink until they are mature enough to not get blasted and learn their limits. (BTW, a limit doesnt mean knowing how much to drink before you get "too wasted" is knowing when to stop so you dont do dumb things like the OP). And to the person that suggested AA, you don't go to AA for being an idiot. Being an idiot doesn't make an alcoholic.

MonkeySpeaks- Well, for an official DSM diagnosis of alcoholism, you need evidence of physical and mental addiction to alcohol. But in general cultural (really, common-sensical) terms, you have a problem if your alcohol use is interfering with your health and/or your life in general. The OP was blackout drunk (which is really, really bad for your brain) and his drinking cost him is job and his girlfriend--which means it put his livelihood and his social support network in serious jeopardy. So no, maybe he's not addicted per se, but now does seem to be a good time for him to re-evaluate his alcohol use and seek help if necessary. As far as I'm concerned, AA is probably the best place for him to do this, as it's free and the support of other members makes it incredibly effective. Plus, the step where you apologize to everyone might at least help him get his girlfriend back...though maybe not his job, and certainly not the coffee maker.

anything but the coffee machine! oh wait there isnt anything else..

1. ydi for drinking 2. how did the coffee machine fit in? or more importantly, how will you survive without it?

schizophrenic..

I agree. sorry OP. this needs to be your wake up call. if you get that irresponsible when drinking, you're not "just drinking"

Should've put your phone on airplane mode before you started drinking.

the 'drunk me' vs 'sober me' phrasing was ripped off of a textfromlastnight that was much funnier than this garbage.

You think there's any way you could get it back?!

Coffe machine

ahahahaha that really should not have been as funny as i found it, must be my lack of sleep :D OP im also curious as to how the coffee machine got lost... fyl for the loss of job and girlfriend in one night but ydi for getting so incredibly wasted