Miscellaneous: What am I like?

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What am I like?

By Joe - 01/11/2009 16:35 - United States

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 810

You deserved it 50 878

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Same thing different taste

By Anon - 05/12/2015 23:15 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 336

You deserved it 4 134

By ishouldntdrink - 10/01/2010 15:11 - United States

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 914

You deserved it 39 304

Boring

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 453

You deserved it 7 615

Party animal

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 16:58

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 1 338

Nice to know

By Sarah - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk-texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 189

You deserved it 1 806

Understandable

By Anonymous - 28/05/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that the dream in which I drunkenly phoned my boss and called him a "fat useless piece of shit" actually did happen. I woke up to 10 missed calls and 5 angry texts stating I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 3 247

The day after

By last night king - 28/05/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 3 021

Not funny, guys

By person - 20/09/2015 23:57 - United States - League City

Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 716

You deserved it 2 993

By drunkdial - 06/01/2010 05:53 - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 355

You deserved it 4 612

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 650

qwertyone 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:07

Drunk you or not it was still you. You are responsible for what you do drunk and you chose to drink in the first place. I hope the "drunk you" doesn't drive.

nazooer 11

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:03

Bahahahhahaha... Don't drink so much

Comments

paperxclips 0

Monday 2 November 2009 1:31

Lol, coffee machine? So random.

dntknowaname 0

Monday 2 November 2009 1:33

Ppl really need to stop being so judgemental

theblazian 0

Monday 2 November 2009 1:38

He is probably a Republican.... from what I gather most of them have lost all shreds of their common sense.

yourworstnightma_fml 0

Monday 2 November 2009 1:39

*cries* wh-wha- what happened r to the coffee machine.

flgirlwguitar 2

Monday 2 November 2009 1:40

I have one word for this: Huh?

ugh_a_lug 7

Monday 2 November 2009 1:42

HAHAHA!!!! Your 'drunk-me' is brilliant! Sucks though.

Panther_fml 0

Monday 2 November 2009 1:46

Who needs a job and a girlfriend when you have coffee??? YOU MUST GET A NEW COFFEE MACHINE SOMEHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ladieejackiee 0

Monday 2 November 2009 1:51

FYL. Multiple personalities when drunk/sober are signs that you're an alcoholic.

perdix 29

Monday 2 November 2009 1:54

People lose jobs and girlfriends all the time. It doesn't mean you are an alcoholic. But when you lose the coffee machine, it's time to admit that you have a problem. You need to join the "Friends of Bill (AA) and Juan Valdez."