Miscellaneous: What am I like?

What am I like?

By Joe - 01/11/2009 16:35 - United States

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 808

You deserved it 50 867

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Same thing different taste

By Anon - 05/12/2015 23:15 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 331

You deserved it 4 131

By ishouldntdrink - 10/01/2010 15:11 - United States

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 913

You deserved it 39 294

Boring

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 448

You deserved it 7 613

Party animal

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 16:58

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 1 332

Nice to know

By Sarah - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk-texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 182

You deserved it 1 800

Understandable

By Anonymous - 28/05/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that the dream in which I drunkenly phoned my boss and called him a "fat useless piece of shit" actually did happen. I woke up to 10 missed calls and 5 angry texts stating I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 3 244

The day after

By last night king - 28/05/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 3 008

Not funny, guys

By person - 20/09/2015 23:57 - United States - League City

Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 709

You deserved it 2 991

By drunkdial - 06/01/2010 05:53 - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 349

You deserved it 4 612

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 649

qwertyone 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:07

Drunk you or not it was still you. You are responsible for what you do drunk and you chose to drink in the first place. I hope the "drunk you" doesn't drive.

nazooer 11

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:03

Bahahahhahaha... Don't drink so much

Comments

kinkolicious 0

Monday 2 November 2009 17:51

the tidbit about the coffee machine = awesome haha

beatnik_candy 0

Monday 2 November 2009 18:09

you're an alcoholic.

Gloria0416 0

Monday 2 November 2009 18:33

There's nothing wrong with occasionally going out and getting drunk. You're not necessarily an alcoholic if you get that drunk sometimes. Now, if you're one of those people who are an "Instant A-Hole, Just Add Alcohol", then you probably shouldn't drink. But Rule #1 is: NEVER, EVER, under ANY circumstances, text or call, anyone while drunk (unless you're calling for a ride home), even if you think that what you're saying is nice. If I know I'm going to be drinking, I leave my cell phone elsewhere because I'm pretty sure that my ex-boyfriend from 3 years ago really doesn't want to hear from me at 2:00am.

annarulzok_x 0

Monday 2 November 2009 18:59

oh my gosh poor you! how can u live without your coffee machine?! HERES MY ADVICE LOSER - dont get drunk! guess u hav learnt ur lesson. lol

klpryde 0

Monday 2 November 2009 19:22

HAHAHA ydi, but mad kudos for this FML... love the way you wrote it. Also the drunk-me does the same thing.

Aha09 1

Monday 2 November 2009 23:31

...Democrats never had any to begin with.

jelsew 0

Tuesday 3 November 2009 1:34

Cell phones and alcohol do not mix. But YDI

xpxp2002 4

Tuesday 3 November 2009 16:48

Learn to "lock" those messages in your phone so they can't be deleted. YDI

Bob31_fml 4

Tuesday 3 November 2009 16:58

YDI for getting that wasted. I suppose you think it's "cool" to get trashed and behave like a moron.

TotallyAwesome 0

Tuesday 3 November 2009 20:19

"OMG, someone was DRINKING! I think drinking is bad because I'm boring." There is nothing wrong with drinking. Honestly, I doubt the Op actually sent and deleted those messages, it was probably some friend of his, unless he was completely trashed. I've heard of such things happening.