Miscellaneous: What am I like?

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What am I like?

By Joe - 01/11/2009 16:35 - United States

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 810

You deserved it 50 878

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Same thing different taste

By Anon - 05/12/2015 23:15 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 336

You deserved it 4 134

By ishouldntdrink - 10/01/2010 15:11 - United States

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 914

You deserved it 39 304

Boring

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 453

You deserved it 7 615

Party animal

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 16:58

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 1 338

Nice to know

By Sarah - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk-texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 189

You deserved it 1 806

Understandable

By Anonymous - 28/05/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that the dream in which I drunkenly phoned my boss and called him a "fat useless piece of shit" actually did happen. I woke up to 10 missed calls and 5 angry texts stating I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 3 247

The day after

By last night king - 28/05/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 3 021

Not funny, guys

By person - 20/09/2015 23:57 - United States - League City

Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 716

You deserved it 2 993

By drunkdial - 06/01/2010 05:53 - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 355

You deserved it 4 612

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 650

qwertyone 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:07

Drunk you or not it was still you. You are responsible for what you do drunk and you chose to drink in the first place. I hope the "drunk you" doesn't drive.

nazooer 11

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:03

Bahahahhahaha... Don't drink so much

Comments

lolsamzilla 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:15

Fyl dude. Maybe you should cut down on the alchy. ydi

Thespade_fml 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:17

Second I am cool

FaithX 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:18

Okay...so I can see how you'd cause yourself to lose your job and your gf...but how in the hell did you lose your coffee machine??

Lolly90 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:18

YDI for having two personalities and drinking so much that you've developed one....

Ohnothingreally 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:19

And your coffee machine? .... Yeah, this is kind of why I don't drink.

bballer32 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:22

haha bipolar much

catatonicsleep 17

Sunday 1 November 2009 21:13

that's not what bipolar is... more like multiple personality disorder

sephirothyeti 0

Monday 2 November 2009 4:34

At least know the proper term before you criticize someone. The proper term is dissociative identity disorder. I'm a Psychology major, so that kind of thing really annoys me.

Fleecy 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:22

I HATE drunk texting, but at the same time I love it. It's so awesome to read what you had attempted to say the night before. But..sometimes it gets you in trouble. Haha.

arielhoee 9

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:24

Sorry about your coffee machine. I needed a new one! D:

dntknowaname 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:42

hahaha oh i feel your pain

pancakes_n_syrup 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:46

Have you never been drunk? The OP is saying he doesn't know why or what his drunk self does because he gets too drunk..it's not like he can help deleting texts. And the coffee machine is what makes it funny.. Anyway still a YDI for getting annoyingly drunk. People who can't control themselves don't deserve to keep their jobs