The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Penelope Cruz - 22/04/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, I woke up early for work, put on my uniform, took two buses, and when I got there my boss laughed and reminded me that I was fired yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 842

You deserved it 1 857

By Anonymous - 21/05/2017 21:00 - Germany

Today, we were doing a group project in class. The girl I have a crush on came to ask me if I was alone and I said yes. She took the chair next to me and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 987

You deserved it 336

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216 878

You deserved it 70 147

akd_rocks tells us more.

akd_rocks 0

Saturday 11 April 2009 2:23

Okay I'm the person that wrote this, I wrote it earlier today before I got my account and its one hundered percent true we talked about family we exchanged pics but i had never met him before he was my moms sisters son adn i have never met that part of my family because my mom was disowned for marrying my dad. his last name was my moms maiden name so i didnt think anything of it especially since its a common last name, SMITH. soo yes it may seem ridiculous but its real and awful

Gross!

By mybfpeedonme - 30/09/2017 16:00

Today, a bug crawled inside my ear. In a panic, I called my boyfriend to come over and help me. His mother told him to put pee in my ear to kill the bug so it would just fall out. I ended up in the hospital because the pee made the bug want to claw its way out through my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 813

You deserved it 1 617

By Axlgrows - 02/12/2016 16:44

Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 462

You deserved it 1 638

By hale_551 - 11/09/2015 16:34

Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 058

You deserved it 1 573

Awkwaaaaard

By notwhatithought - 21/08/2015 19:43 - Germany - Erlangen

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 249

You deserved it 33 700

By guh - 31/08/2016 15:54 - Malaysia - Subang Jaya

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 771

You deserved it 4 286

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 226

You deserved it 1 157

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 07:29 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 881

You deserved it 1 884

By amore89 - 28/07/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 243

By Trappedinthecloset - 19/06/2017 12:41

Today, I accidentally came out to my nan. She decided that this is unacceptable, and has made it her mission to 'convert' me. It's also the day we arrived in an isolated spot in Spain for a 20-day holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 744

You deserved it 901

Nightlark tells us more.

Nightlark 7

Monday 19 June 2017 9:41

Hey, OP here. Basically, I made a joke. I've just got back from uni so I'm not used to hiding parts of myself (I don't have to hide it around my mum cause she likes to pretend it doesn't exist). My nan was talking about me getting married, saying I needed to find Mr right. I made a joke about it being Mrs Right without thinking and here we are.

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 15:27 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 758

You deserved it 8 892

By nature - 25/09/2017 23:15

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 377

You deserved it 338

By wait, what - 17/10/2017 21:00 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I found a 2-page letter nailed to the door of my car demanding that I break up with my girlfriend, Janet, so that a "real man" can date her instead. I’m a single straight woman and I don’t know anybody called Janet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 900

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 13/11/2015 13:34

Today, I was reading comments on an FML, and saw some made from my girlfriend's account. Now I know she's one of those people who say "Dump him!" even when the situation clearly doesn't warrant dumping. Looks like I might be in for a sudden breakup in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 620

You deserved it 2 671

By LadyLou - 03/11/2015 11:42 - Australia

Today, at work, a customer told me that my teeth would make a very pretty necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 356

You deserved it 1 982

By Anonymous - 19/06/2018 20:30

Today, my excruciating ear pain turned out to be a bastard maggot eating away at all the vital things behind my eardrum. The doctor pulled it out, but I’m now permanently deaf in that ear and can’t balance. I fall if I try to stand or walk further than 5 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 933

You deserved it 299

By Tall Oaf - 14/07/2018 01:30

Today, my ex of 2 months, who I'm on good terms with, posted an Instagram photo with her new boyfriend, captioned "Love you babe, 4 months have never been sweeter." I've never been good at math, but 4 seems bigger than 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 274

You deserved it 304

Wuss

By kenneth - 31/08/2018 01:30

Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 1 659

By CyberPsycho - 19/08/2016 20:57 - United States - Nashville

Today, a pharmacist slut-shamed me for taking birth control. I'm still a virgin, and I only take those pills to help with my acne and period cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 877

You deserved it 1 215

CyberPsycho tells us more.

CyberPsycho 21

Sunday 21 August 2016 1:12

UPDATE: I called the manager and told him about my encounter. He wants me to come talk to him about it further but I'll admit that I'm still kind of embarrassed to go back to that store....

By Anonymous - 16/11/2018 05:00

Today, I met an old friend, who accidentally revealed he once met my wife in a club. They were both drunk and she let him have anal sex with her for a fiver in a club toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 495

You deserved it 357

One can only hope

By sadgirl - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 811

You deserved it 540

By Languages - 24/04/2017 09:58 - United States - Irving

Today, while eating in a Mexican restaurant, I asked the waitperson how the drink my husband ordered was pronounced in Spanish. She replied, "Vodka Martini." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 886

You deserved it 4 467

Exaspera tells us more.

Exaspera 54

Friday 21 April 2017 21:32

OP here. What a surprise, my first published FML! Being a Mexican restaurant, all of the employees there were Mexican. I try to keep up on my Spanish and wanted to know the translation. This one turned out to be rather easy to remember. Cheers!