Health

By Brittney Anderson - 24/03/2019 14:00

Today, I found out I need to have emergency surgery, which is extremely convenient considering I'm literally supposed to be moving out of state in 2 days and my whole house is completely packed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 135

By pencilskirt - 22/03/2019 00:00

Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 302

Gross, dudes!

By notsick - 17/03/2019 22:00

Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 135

You deserved it 215

Taint

By PaintedBum - 11/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 402

Call the cops!

By epipen life - 10/03/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 612

You deserved it 234

Queasy beats

By Bleh - 08/03/2019 22:00 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I found out that my new, expensive noise-canceling headphones trigger my motion sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 257

Repetition

By DefinitelyNotMyMeds - 22/02/2019 20:00 - Canada

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 115

You deserved it 331

Stressed out

By Jocelyn - 18/02/2019 12:00

Today, I got stressed and well, let's just say I got carried away, pulled off most of my eyelashes on one eye, and now I have to find falsies that look real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 1 786

By Umlungu23 - 18/02/2019 00:00

Today, during my lunch break, I sat on the manager's chair. As I sat down, I heard a snapping sound and I ended up on the floor. Everyone now calls me "the lumpy girl" who broke the manager's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 054

You deserved it 448

By maisumepg - 17/02/2019 04:00

Today, it’s the third month of my diet. Every dream I’ve had since I started has been entirely about junk food. Every. Single. One. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 108

You deserved it 306

Leave me alone

By Insomnia - 16/02/2019 00:00

Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 354

You deserved it 227

By Anonymous - 14/02/2019 16:35 - United States

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 910

You deserved it 7 954

By qourt - 14/02/2019 15:34 - United States

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 398

You deserved it 2 278

WTF dude?

By marriedlesbian - 12/02/2019 16:00

Today, after a dangerous and painful emergency caesarean, I received an SMS from a guy I turned down for a date, saying he was crying and so excited to meet 'our' baby. I've barely even shaken hands with this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 237

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 12/02/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 235

You deserved it 218

By evilplatypus - 11/02/2019 14:00 - United States - Cromwell

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 195

You deserved it 190

Fitness

By Bece420 - 11/02/2019 12:00 - United States - Zanesville

Today, I decided to try a 7-minute exercise video to start working out and get in shape. I couldn’t make it though the video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 477

Cooking for none

By Mia - 26/01/2019 02:00

Today, I wanted to bake some chocolate chip cookies. As the first load was done, I tasted a cookie and it tasted too salty. Thinking it was because of the pinch of salt, I added more sugar to the batter, only to realize that the sugar I've put into the whole batter was actually salt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 2 435

By Anonymous - 25/01/2019 20:00

Today, I called 911 and got taken to hospital via ambulance after a suicide attempt. When I called my mom, the first thing she asked was, "How much is the ambulance going to cost?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 879

You deserved it 998

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 4 042

Get it done already!

By yeetyeet - 06/01/2019 12:00

Today, we had an emergency lockdown drill. The closest room to me was the bathroom, so I rushed in and went into one of the stalls like I was supposed to, only to find out that a girl in the stall next to me was shitting. And it didn't seem like she was going to be done anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 334

Just stop

By Home sick - 04/01/2019 20:00

Today, I was called fat by my boyfriend's old-fashioned mom. I'm not close to fat but I'm not really skinny either so she calls me fat. She also complained that my feet makes noise when I walk and that girls shouldn't make noise when walking. This week has been hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 997

You deserved it 452

By jjoker - 30/12/2018 14:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 963

By mindy12182 - 29/12/2018 17:00 - United States - Des Moines

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 624

By babybambi - 29/12/2018 02:00

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 382

You deserved it 291

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 503

Cravings

By kylie - 25/12/2018 00:00

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 2 778

In through the out door

By NeedTea - 21/12/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, I stopped at Starbucks to get tea before work and was surprised that there wasn't a line. As I was leaving, the automatic door closed, knocking my tea out of my hand. I headed back in, only to discover a huge line had formed and they made me pay for the replacement that their door spilled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 024

You deserved it 791

By I stink - 18/12/2018 15:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 233

By Why - 18/12/2018 05:00

Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 397

You deserved it 157

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 351

You deserved it 38 334

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 726

You deserved it 7 993

The Top

Today, I was getting off the bus, when these two guys behind me started commenting on my bag, oblivious to the fact that I could hear them say, "Look at his ugly man-purse," and "It that looks like the satchel that Indiana Jones has". I'm a girl. Who is planning majoring in fashion studies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 053

You deserved it 9 062

Today, I was at the water slide with my two sisters. As we got to the top, my sister wanted me to go first. As soon as I went to go down the slide, she lamped me right in the balls from behind, and pushed me down the slide. My other sister kneed me in the same spot 5 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 142

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 430

You deserved it 46 005

Today, during a family meal, my mother-in-law asked me to list the foods I didn't like, which includes bananas. For some reason my husband felt it was necessary to specify: "except mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 597

You deserved it 445

Today, I had a dream I was on the toilet taking the longest piss known to man. Unfortunately, it was partially true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 826

You deserved it 2 942

Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 908

You deserved it 4 621