Intimacy: Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/08/2011 19:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 619

You deserved it 46 771

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 14:31 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 730

You deserved it 8 314

By anonymous - 11/06/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 900

You deserved it 2 652

We need a break

By pst - 21/11/2010 01:06 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 688

You deserved it 59 254

By Pugsley - 30/08/2019 14:02 - Australia

Spicy

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 215

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 714

You deserved it 24 332

By Anonymous - 10/02/2015 14:51 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 496

You deserved it 20 915

Soliciting

By Xena - 25/08/2017 04:30

Today, I was at our hotel waiting for my husband to finish his shower so we could have our anniversary dinner, when hotel security forcefully removed me from the building because they do not allow "prostitutes" to look for clients on their property. They thought I was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 918

You deserved it 667

Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 22/09/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, I just found out my best friend is a hooker. I just thought she worked nights and had terrible taste in clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 504

By UnicornPancake - 25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 500

You deserved it 431

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 17:58 - Vietnam

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 831

You deserved it 4 364

Next

Top comments

hailphire130 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 0:48

Give her some more money then. Bitches love money.

FMLollie 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 3:26

The way this FML is written it's so formal can you imagine how he would go up to her! "Excuse me miss, I would like to purchase your services in sexual pleasure."

Comments

braaten 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 4:59

Check out my FML vid. "crazy life at 3400' hd" on YouTube!!

L3g4lPl4typus 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 4:59

I didn't even think that was possible. sorry man

xXMudkipNoobXx 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 5:02

dont have sex with hookers, its like asking for stds

Cleao18317 11

Tuesday 23 August 2011 5:22

Well it's true. I would know. Wink wink

20jetsgo 3

Tuesday 23 August 2011 5:29

Why the **** would u let people know that

drewpeacock42 1

Tuesday 23 August 2011 5:40

pee in her butt

kul01 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 5:45

Depending on where ur from maybe she thought u were a small below and just wanted some more fun for herself... Shoulda up the price

golong77 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 5:56

Thats what you get for buying a hoe

zcheema17 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 5:57

LMFAO!

jivveturkey 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 5:59

well, as kelso would say, AWWWHH! BURNN!!

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Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games Gamers Ironic Zoom

The Top

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 505

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 341

You deserved it 3 784

The Top

Today, a VIP visited our building. I was put in charge of his hospitality and was very nervous. At one point, he asked me if he could, “Ahem… wash my hands.” Without thinking, I took him to our kitchen so he could use the sink. Turns out he needed a pee. He looked at me like I was an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 206

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 197

You deserved it 3 607

Today, at physical therapy, the girl next to me had a blue armband. I said, "Hey, sweet iPod". She said, "Actually, I have diabetes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 371

You deserved it 41 645

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 070

You deserved it 6 175

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 543

You deserved it 29 629

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 428

You deserved it 48 049