Intimacy: Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes... - FML

By unforgettablee - 29/04/2013 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 742

You deserved it 13 044

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Sexy talk

By suckstosuck - 23/07/2013 04:04 - United States - Dana Point

Spicy

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 761

You deserved it 13 691

Orders

By belljars - 18/04/2014 02:27 - United States - Riverside

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 192

You deserved it 9 151

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 688

You deserved it 9 297

Pick your moments, dude!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 345

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 486

You deserved it 11 508

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 03/07/2015 19:29 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 679

You deserved it 3 475

By MulticoloredSlug - 13/10/2016 10:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 430

You deserved it 1 416

Make believe

By somebodyelse - 17/08/2009 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting pretty hot and heavy, then he said, "Let's pretend you're someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 879

You deserved it 5 513

By omgwhyme - 08/01/2012 14:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 423

You deserved it 49 348

Next

Top comments

noelasis94 18

Monday 29 April 2013 12:18

that's because he's a substitute teacher, and we all know they never know the lesson.

lhazz11 23

Monday 29 April 2013 12:18

Maybe you should give him grammar lessons instead of sex sessions

Comments

AnimeBitch 14

Monday 29 April 2013 16:07

He ain't.

youknowimright 5

Monday 29 April 2013 17:11

He aint never been no student either

laden_swallow09 34

Monday 29 April 2013 17:13

Obviously.

SweetasCandy0609 28

Monday 29 April 2013 17:16

men so clueless sometimes, hasn't he ever heard of role playing what a mood killer.

ViviMage 38

Monday 29 April 2013 17:30

I are not no teacher. Someone should teach him that double negatives are frowned upon in English, but ok in Spanish!

Evgeny2222 11

Monday 29 April 2013 17:51

Isn't "ain't no" some sort of slang?

unixdude 9

Monday 29 April 2013 18:01

Am I the only one to realize "teach me a lesson" means "beat the shit out if me"? Your BF did you a favor, sweetheart.

tj4234 35

Monday 29 April 2013 18:52

no, everyone realised it. Just no one else felt the need to comment the obvious. Now go back and sit in the cupboard.

ChibiChibi_fml 27

Monday 29 April 2013 19:18

It also doesn't always mean "beat the shit out of me". In many **** videos it just means "Screw me really hard and maybe pull my hair a bit" Usually while the man mumbles phrases like "yeah take it, this will teach you to flirt with Ted".

tj4234 35

Monday 29 April 2013 19:49

sorry chibichibi, I thought unixdude meant what you said. Joys of being dyslexic.

ShakeDisPlace 10

Monday 29 April 2013 19:03

A few oral lessons should help ;)

MDTeddy 13

Monday 29 April 2013 19:09

She said something smexi. Anyway, why can't people just have sex? Talking seems to ruin sex. Well, not really, but only the stupid people like that guy.

Tim2415 16

Monday 29 April 2013 21:20

"I AIN'T NO teacher" well that just explains it all...

1
2
3
4
5
6

Keywords

Holidays Miscellaneous Family Thanksgiving Politics Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Christmas Scary Sex Awkward Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Jealousy Friends Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid

The Top

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 306

You deserved it 3 563

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 835

The Top

Today, after two months of rehearsals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 214

You deserved it 982

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 368

You deserved it 4 284

Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife's period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite asking her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 239

You deserved it 511

Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 464

You deserved it 5 104

Adulting is hard... Some of us need a push!

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 72

Today, I've been potty training my son and almost all of his clothes have been peed on, but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do all the laundry together. When I was getting it out of the dryer, everything smelled like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 693