Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow...

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 544

You deserved it 14 764

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Same thing different taste

By ihateveganism - 22/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Barrington

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 308

You deserved it 10 012

By Rowden - 26/04/2010 09:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 290

You deserved it 9 637

By Sal - 03/03/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 046

You deserved it 31 136

By HotACE - 22/04/2011 05:08

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 971

You deserved it 22 731

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 708

You deserved it 18 568

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 394

You deserved it 3 957

By fatnick - 07/10/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 078

You deserved it 3 311

Biology major

By LilPie - 19/11/2015 22:10 - United States - Fort Washington

Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 146

You deserved it 2 319

Giving and taking

By patriarchal apparently - 29/06/2013 19:58 - Saint Lucia

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 237

You deserved it 9 998

Hidden

By bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 677

You deserved it 7 399

jibz 6

Sunday 23 January 2011 9:31

Should've mentioned sex, it's a great calorie burner.

craigkid 2

Sunday 23 January 2011 9:30

spit ..

Comments

Jakojan 4

Tuesday 25 January 2011 2:28

YDI. You should support her on her diet. Start making diet sperm. Sheesh >.>

alluneedisluv 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 2:38

o.O

Eliwillow_fml 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 2:44

I have some ideas of how she can burn the 'extra' calories off that would be just as fun :)

Jakojan 4

Tuesday 25 January 2011 2:48

YDI. You should support her on her diet. Start making diet sperm. Sheesh >.>

KyRidHEART 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 2:56

Yeah, your GIRL FRIEND. Not wife. The ego of this world..

khase 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 18:08

Maybe the OP's is just to big, and shes scared? ;)

ohmek 0

Wednesday 26 January 2011 4:28

You deserve it for having a stupid gf.

randombitches1 0

Thursday 27 January 2011 17:33

you should be happy to have a gf so dedicated in losing weight.......stop complaining

whazgoodmydood 0

Friday 28 January 2011 23:02

@DGAFprincess FAIL on daaron WIN on your part!

TillyTime 4

Saturday 29 January 2011 1:38

Guys I'm seeing a lot of the commenters are breaking the rules. You aren't supposed to judge the original poster or say it's not FML worthy!

Keywords

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 25 532

You deserved it 3 159

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You deserved it 244

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You deserved it 357