Cops

Reported

By Anonymous - 05/02/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, police questioned me on behalf of my doctor, who couldn’t believe one person could use so much insulin, so he thinks I’m selling it to bodybuilders. I really do use it all myself, I use about 6 times as much as my sister who is also diabetic, and my diet is normal. I only weigh 10.5 stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 118

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 04/02/2024 00:00

Today, I got a call from the police informing me that my car was involved in an accident outside my house. At least I can prove I was in another continent when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 78

Lunatics out here

By fuck your rights - 02/02/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, when I tried to go to work, there were gun nuts blocking the road near my apartment, protesting something or other. I called the cops to break it up, only to be told, "We can't do anything because they have rights." Don't I have the right to not be terrorized by lunatics? FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 346

Confused?

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, after a day spent together, the police came to my girlfriend's place, telling me to leave without explanation. I'm now at a hotel, discovering she made false, negative statements about me in papers they provided. Despite recent love and commitment, it seems she wants to break up, leaving me confused and alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 118

Rough

By aarone23 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 301

You deserved it 4 151

Don't you know who I am?

By Anonymous - 28/12/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter told a police officer to call me because I could get them fired unless they let her off for speeding, spitting at and kicking officers, and damaging police property. I work in a supermarket and have no idea what she was talking about. I can’t fire anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 166

It's sus to us

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 436

You deserved it 4 496

Sticky fingers

By FlickedOff 2023 - 01/12/2023 06:00

Today, my FWB and I were on a road trip. His dumbass got us pulled over by the cops, and he decided it was the perfect moment to start fingering me. Worse yet, I got off in between visits from the cop. He took his license and ticket with his fingering hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 539

Sigma mindset

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 900

You deserved it 5 637

Insult to adultery

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 105

You deserved it 7 727

Pleased to meet you

By DB. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents met my boyfriend's parents for the first time… while they were bailing us out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 860

You deserved it 61 948

Sneaky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Piscataway

Today, I asked a traffic cop if it was okay to park my car briefly in a 'Monday to Friday only' parking spot, since it's Saturday. She politely replied I could. I came back less than ten minutes later, only to find a parking ticket stuck to my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 484

You deserved it 17 385

Straight to jail

By Miss bad decisions - 03/11/2023 22:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted having public sex. In desperation, I promised the officer he could fuck me if he let us go. Now I've got an extra charge and probably an ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 941

Hopeless

By Anonymous - 02/11/2023 22:00

Today, as my stalker was finally led away in handcuffs, my auntie asked if maybe I was being a bit harsh having him arrested, and maybe I should give him a second chance because he seemed like "a sweet man", and "it’s not like I have any other men lining up to date me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 95

Copaganda

By Anonymous - 18/10/2023 07:30

Today, my dad is trying to kick me out to become homeless, because it’s my goal to become a police officer, and since he’s served prison time I’m now scum in his eyes and a disgrace to our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 297

Unruly meets incompetence

By Anonymous - 14/10/2023 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the library when police arrested me for threatening people. The librarian even told them I did nothing wrong, and that the actual girl they wanted had already left. They took me in anyway. My dad sided with the police and let me “think about what I did” in jail overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 85

UXB alert!

By Uncle Victim - 09/10/2023 22:00

Today, my three idiot nephews dug up a vintage bomb while "digging a hole to China." I told them not to touch it, and went in to call the police. As I did so, they took it to a pawn shop to sell as an antique. The pawn shop called the cops on them, and the cops are now on to me as they're crying, saying selling it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 107

One law for thee…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Springfield

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 976

You deserved it 6 829

Straight to jail

By youtube - 03/10/2023 22:00

Today, I went up to a random stranger and said, "Hey, you don't know me, but I know you're about to make a huge mistake!" for a prank video. She had a massive meltdown and screamed at me. The police came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 2 076

Drunk with power

By Anonymous - 29/09/2023 22:00

Today, I was detained by a stubborn cop who swore he saw me sprinting away after shoplifting. I’m missing part of my right foot, and walk with a cane and a limp, I haven’t sprinted anyplace in 12 years. Not even showing him my foot convinced him. I was sat in his car over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 94

There's a first time for anything

By OptimalPath - 27/09/2023 06:00

Today, I booked a driver's ed course to avoid 3 points on my driving licence for doing 40 in 30 zone. That day, my wife kept quarrelling in the car, I got angry at her for a second, apparently also stepping on the gas. A triumphant copper with a speed gun was right there. I haven't had a speeding ticket in 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 719

Help yourself!

By called the cops - 22/09/2023 19:00 - United States

Today, my now ex was angrily moving out of our place. She slammed the door so hard behind her it bounced back wide open instead of latching. I don’t live in the best of neighborhoods. Since I was out of town, all I could do was watch helplessly on the Ring camera as my place was emptied out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 148

Haunted

By Anonymous - 21/09/2023 11:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, I had my first trauma nightmare, about my classmates who had drugs planted on them so the police officers could abuse them for being queer. It's been 16 years since high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 208

Put it away!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 982

You deserved it 35 037

Misplaced ACAB moment

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I graduated from a top law school. My aunt's reaction? "I will never hang out with a cop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 808

You deserved it 2 203

Hawkeye

By hatesurf - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Peru

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 079

You deserved it 10 172

Dude, chill out

By U... - 18/08/2023 22:00

Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 115

No means no, Deborah

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, it's my birthday. A month ago, I'd told everyone I invited to my party that it was going to be adults only. One of my friends brought her kids with her anyway, then started screaming and trashing the place when I politely asked her to leave. The cops had to be called to finally get her out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 114

Too many JCS videos

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 363

You deserved it 7 976

Weird dude of the day

By Anonymous - 09/08/2023 22:00

Today, my girlfriend found the airtag I'd stuck under her car. The police were called and she kicked me out of her apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 2 752

Keywords

Cats Animals Work Awkward Christmas Health Embarrassing Anniversary Boredom Love Abuse Intimacy Ironic Drunk Am I overreacting? Transportation Alcohol AITA Parents Kids Gun control Language Noise Mysterious Relatable Money Food Delivery Miscellaneous Family

The Top

Today, thanks to too many true crime podcasts and shows, my wife has lost her marbles. She now insists we use code names for our kids while out in public, so that no predators will hear their real names and follow us home to kidnap them. She’s completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 140

Today, I was on a date with a very intelligent and handsome guy. I was so nervous that when he was telling me about his twin sister, I asked him if they were identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 748

You deserved it 21 318

The Top

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 931

You deserved it 37 205

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 162

You deserved it 5 569

Today, I got a migraine. I work in an arcade with lots of bright lights, loud noises and screaming children. I was stuck in there for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 424

You deserved it 3 221

Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 275

Today, I had emergency surgery to remove my fallopian tubes. I'm one of the 0.5% of people who get pregnant after having their tubes tied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 99

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 551

You deserved it 4 627