Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Choking hazard - FML

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 83 406

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Same thing different taste

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 928

You deserved it 74 573

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 037

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 212

You deserved it 19 457

By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 461

You deserved it 801

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 455

You deserved it 3 761

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 750

You deserved it 42 635

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 675

You deserved it 12 201

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 274

You deserved it 7 766

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 408

You deserved it 6 030

Next

Top comments

jimmyweee 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:14

Ha, you swallowed the wrong thing.

BlackWolfVII 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:13

Should've practiced on a banana first. Girls. *Facepalm*

Comments

alex_vik 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 13:24

#103 - No, abstinence is something people with certain morals abide to. I'm abstinent by choice. I've had several opportunities to lose my virginity, but I like to stay strong in my faith, and honestly wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were to have sex before marriage.

mndz_mkl 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 14:30

#25 LOL

Gringo_fml 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 14:40

You MUST be blonde.. "Blondes can only suck ****" is absolutely meaningless now

P4R4N0ID 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 15:18

Poor #25. ]: oh & gg.

darkmis1 17

Sunday 10 May 2009 15:24

That's so nasty! Y would u even wanna do that in the 1st place?

LosDth 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 15:40

How can we be sure its a girl?

ladywaldo 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 15:45

OMG!I guess you should get some points for using a condom, but maybe you should stick to abstinence Before you die!

ladywaldo 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 15:58

Uh did you boyfriend think that was HOT! A real turn on I bet!

heeystefi_fml 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:26

lmfaoooo 2&8(L)

sondramcfail 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:45

Birth control-wise, I'm not sure if that's safe...

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Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 537

...

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

The Top

Today, my boyfriend has severe dog phobia, and a dog off its lead ran up to him in a car park. He panicked and tried to jump into the car, but the door hit it in the head and it started fitting and seizing. About three people called the police and the dog's owner broke our car window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 274

Today, for my Teen Living class, all the students got a fake baby. In order to stop the baby from crying, you have to use the bracelet they provide. I lost the bracelet. I have the baby all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 688

You deserved it 40 958

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 111

You deserved it 3 861

Today, I tripped in front of my graduation class of 225 and all of their relatives while receiving my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 525

You deserved it 4 850

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 948

You deserved it 1 866

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 927

You deserved it 228