Relatable, Fight and Love: Heavy sleeper

Heavy sleeper

By good_aim - 27/07/2013 08:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 303

You deserved it 26 914

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Action - Reaction

By CaptBlood - 21/05/2021 00:01

Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 183

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 040

You deserved it 3 381

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 823

You deserved it 3 656

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 713

You deserved it 26 844

Love hurts

By wray16 - 26/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 131

By Cùchulainn - 10/01/2009 03:23 - France

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 077

You deserved it 9 534

Classic

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 00:00

Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 1 441

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 973

You deserved it 12 166

By Sawarski - 07/01/2013 20:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 664

You deserved it 3 299

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 09:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 149

You deserved it 2 367

Javier6597 19

Saturday 27 July 2013 18:58

At least you know that she wont get robbed without fighting back

lotrgeek 10

Saturday 27 July 2013 18:59

At least she's not having an affair?

Comments

gemstone586 12

Saturday 27 July 2013 19:06

I gave you a YDI because i would do the exact same thing! We may be tough, staying home alone, but that doesn't mean we're not on our guard! I keep meaning to tell my husband never surprise me, but i think he knows better.

AtomicDiamond87 15

Saturday 27 July 2013 20:52

Most men should know not to surprise a woman when she's home alone. They should know alot of women aren't weak. :)

seriouslypony 9

Saturday 27 July 2013 19:07

If she started getting it on without confirming your identity, then you have a real problem.

kurodansei 16

Saturday 27 July 2013 19:08

Those anti rape classes showing up on your joint account are working I see.

blah2112 11

Saturday 27 July 2013 19:08

Surprise!

thehuntress309 12

Saturday 27 July 2013 19:14

Well at least she didn't shoot you!

gczizza1997 15

Saturday 27 July 2013 19:17

I'm Just happy this isn't an Fml about a cheating wife

Trisha_aus 15

Saturday 27 July 2013 19:22

yeah I really thought it was going to be another cheater...thankfully she's just good at fighting.

kee_breezy32 34

Sunday 28 July 2013 0:49

it gets annoying seeing all these FML's about a wife cheating with her husbands brother/cousin/friend/etc.

Jazer22 10

Saturday 27 July 2013 19:18

Rough sex, that's what you should go for.

jayellef 3

Saturday 27 July 2013 19:20

I would have done the same thing. You're coming home a day early, nice thought but still she was scared. At least you didn't come home to her in bed with another person. Now THAT'S a FML

imagineapc 11

Sunday 28 July 2013 0:31

My boyfriend came home from a business trip a day early once. He called first because he knew I would beat him with a golf club had he just walked in the house.

dontgivafuk 9

Sunday 28 July 2013 4:06

this isn't about you. no one cares and you don't have a boyfriend... go home.

imtooshy 18

Saturday 27 July 2013 19:20

You should now feel pretty comfortable going away on any other future trips knowing she can take care of herself. I hope she was sweet enough to make it up to you once she realized who you were.