Health: Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start... - FML

By theregoesmyspermcount - 02/08/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 847

You deserved it 5 703

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Same thing different taste

By DJ - 07/04/2013 18:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 614

You deserved it 5 882

'Murica

By Maryann - 08/02/2018 01:30

Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 337

You deserved it 651

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 18:41 - United States - Doylestown

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 118

You deserved it 42 999

Ouch

By fuckjuggalos - 29/06/2012 23:57 - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 132

You deserved it 5 035

Fight! Fight! Fight!

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 17:54 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 2 031

Size isn't everything!

By Franklin - 18/12/2017 19:00

Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 342

You deserved it 7 930

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 699

You deserved it 5 699

Shady tactics

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Rowville

Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 857

You deserved it 3 109

Power move

By Anonymous - 08/10/2023 17:00

Today, I accidentally called my kickboxing trainer "Dad." I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 170

By stupidprankster - 09/03/2012 10:10 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 497

You deserved it 7 491

Next

Top comments

redbluegreen 40

Monday 3 August 2009 9:10

I'd suggest you invest in a giant human bubble. Or a cup.

crescent_indigo 0

Monday 3 August 2009 9:12

spiked cup would be win-win situation

Comments

WithS 0

Monday 3 August 2009 22:57

... Ok i just stoped laughting, that was the funniest thing i read for a while haha... wow...

Ejvind 0

Monday 3 August 2009 23:25

#65, are you sure you'd want to show them the damage, if it was as the OP said? x]

USMC0612 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 0:19

Want a straw? So you can suck it up! Haha. Either take it, fight back, or get quicker reflexes. Your dad's a Marine, I'm sure he taught you how to "adapt & overcome".

SeleneKoi 0

Friday 7 August 2009 21:31

I totally agree. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?

nananabatann 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 0:41

When your dad realizes he's not getting any grandchildren from you in the future, he'll regret punching you in the crotch. We'll be seeing his story on FML soon.

newbzoors 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 3:37

Today, i turned 89, and still havent gotten any grandchildren. When i asked my son about this, he simply said "Yea dad, punches to the crotch do that". FML

docjolivette 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 0:49

haha that sucks, and kinda perverted, whats wrong with an arm or something. But a cup a a gag electric shocker and put it on that. Then see who has quick reflexes from being shocked!

day_dreamer123 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 1:07

Haha Simper Fi bitches!!!! FYL man I hope you can get faster reflexes and really fast.

Wm2oo9 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 1:45

Chop your **** off.... or **** him up with an AK. oh and guys, i think we've established the whole "ex-marine" thing...

jess_00 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 1:50

I hope you weren't planning on having kids...

Njord09 2

Tuesday 4 August 2009 2:16

get a knife. and be patient. :)

connorod 2

Tuesday 4 August 2009 2:50

Walk into his room whilst he is sleeping and dutifully re-gift his to present to you, to him.

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Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 538

You deserved it 10 056

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 080

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 13 333

You deserved it 41 201

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I agree, your life sucks 23 244

You deserved it 13 323

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I agree, your life sucks 15 644

You deserved it 36 734

Today, I realised that despite having a full-time job I must really be failing at this adulting business, because I called my dad and the first words out of his mouth were, "I’m not sending you any more money." I do borrow money a lot, and yes I was about to ask for more. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 1 032

Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 174

Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 101

You deserved it 1 493