The Top

Anyway, yes I did go to a gay pride parade because I think they should have their right to love as much as straight people should. (I also have a gay uncle, I love him all the same) So the reason I posted this was because I hated the fact that my sister just assumed I was gay for not having a boyfriend yet because i'm 16 going on 17 already, like I need to rush myself or something or because I want to live a little first before diving into that whole fiasco instead of just giving it away early. Me wanting gay people to have rights too is apparently another assumption made by her that I'm "gay", because why would I be so passionate about it? It couldn't be because i care about other human beings, no. I also found out she'd been discussing my sexuality with my mother, my father and my brother, and all her friends; despite it being none of her ******* business. The saddest part I find in all this is that they all think a girl can't be independent or NOT focus all her attention on a guy instead of trying to make something of herself first, because if she isn't following some boy then she MUST be gay. Ugh, I'm just done you guys. I'm really done. But I can tell you with all honesty that I cannot find anything sexually attractive about a woman, while we're on the subject, lol. But hey, if that's the way your cookies crumble then that's ok too. Anyway, thanks for the nice comments, peace. xoxo

Nice neighborhood

By Mrs. W. - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 940

You deserved it 2 497

Yeah, Mike

By considering murder - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I finally put the finishing touches to a huge project after 8 months of gruelling work. My boss had used the promise of a 5-figure bonus to motivate me. When I casually brought the bonus up later in the day, my boss just said, "Gratitude's its own reward, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 714

You deserved it 1 895

Deez nuts

By needtoscratch - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 387

You deserved it 1 845

Busted

By blububble412 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, we had a drug search at school. After the search, we went back inside. My bag was open, and my lunch was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 548

You deserved it 2 533

What just happened?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Bellevue

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 279

You deserved it 6 173

Shady tactics

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Rowville

Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 857

You deserved it 3 109

Caught off guard

By dooommage - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 385

You deserved it 15 361

Are you kidding me?

By HousekeeperNoMore - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after being a stay-at-home mom and picking up after my kids for the past 15 years, I got a job rejection letter saying I wasn't qualified. It was a housekeeping position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 040

You deserved it 4 650

New life

By jend - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 838

You deserved it 3 855

Introvert struggles

By knife knife - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Dalkeith

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 919

You deserved it 15 488

Sketchy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 299

You deserved it 3 459

New fragrance just dropped

By lavenderpiss - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - North Adelaide

Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 487

You deserved it 4 025

Pirate move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses, and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 718

You deserved it 26 833

Good job parenting

By yova - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 527

You deserved it 1 959

Broke boyz

By ohno - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paperclip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 749

You deserved it 5 570

Self report

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 710

You deserved it 8 763

July the fourth be with you!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional fourth of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 042

You deserved it 3 514

Steady decline

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 661

You deserved it 25 400

Wreckless Eric

By pgmonster - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 207

You deserved it 5 525

Pish yerself

By breyn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 056

You deserved it 2 534

HELP!

By jenny2989 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I reached behind my couch to plug my phone charger in. My arm got stuck and I had to wait for my roommate to get home to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 056

You deserved it 18 357

Hard veto on that one

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 196

You deserved it 1 746

The price of love

By that kind of girl - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Mississauga

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 751

You deserved it 5 060

Thanks!

By glens - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my company announced a new name. They also announced new coffee mugs with the name on them. They've not announced raises in over 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 933

You deserved it 2 402

Jesus H Christ

By bastard - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a Nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming, "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 844

You deserved it 4 536

Freaked out

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 088

You deserved it 12 828

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Awkward Embarrassing Health Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Love Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Teenagers Animals Dogs Gamers

The Top

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 979

You deserved it 9 781

Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 895

You deserved it 2 259

The Top

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 282

You deserved it 8 527

Today, on Facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to, "How can Dan have over 500 Facebook friends? Nobody even likes him." It got 42 likes and twenty comments that basically said, "Agreed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 843

You deserved it 12 359

Today, I realised that I'm kinda living the life of a Disney princess, because I'm lonely and all my friends are animals. Yes, I also talk to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 155

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 365

You deserved it 6 069

Today, my first day of going to the gym, some gym bro dropped his weights, which you’re not supposed to do, right on the top of my foot. I have complex crush fractures in most of my foot bones, I’m going to need surgeries, probably metal pins, and I can’t put weight on it for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 134

Today, I handed my friend his phone, telling him he'd forgotten it. He responded by taking his phone out of his pocket and showing it to me. I then realized I was holding MY phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 506