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When you lie on your resume to get the job

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my boyfriend and I are devastated to return our newly adopted "cat friendly" dog to the shelter. He's perfect, other than the fact that he clearly wants to eat our cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 695

You deserved it 457

Funny how?

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. I said, "Yeah I was funny, huh?" She replied, "Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 951

You deserved it 2 751

Christmas motivation?

By runfattyrun - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I got a gym membership for Christmas, from 3 different people. I think my family's trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 783

You deserved it 1 410

Dingus

By UnemployedWife - 26/01/2024 00:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my husband typed in my work Teams Chat, “FUCK THIS JOB I QUIT” while I was away from my desk. All this because he’s still jealous of my and a male coworker’s friendship. I was terminated. He showed no remorse for what he did and told me to find another job where I won’t “slut around.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 263

Quack quack quack

By mikki_arlert - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 920

You deserved it 771

Make a scene

By JoblessandStupid - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Stockbridge

Today, I got pissed and tried to storm out of work, only to get outside and realize I couldn't because I'd let my coworker borrow my car for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 770

You deserved it 2 669

New nickname just dropped

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Midland

Today, I was talking with a very attractive coworker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as The Moth Lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 781

You deserved it 1 049

What the…?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 914

You deserved it 551

Petty

By Kamilah - 03/05/2024 14:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I learned that my husband “accidentally” let the dog out and allowed her to be eaten by an alligator because I got a male coworker, who is also a good friend of mine, a birthday present. We had an argument about our friendship, which apparently bothers him. I’d had that dog since I was a junior in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 141

Blood, water, all that stuff

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, despite the fact that he knows I need help, my recently turned 18 year-old son found an apartment and moved out, leaving me alone with my three toddlers. When I asked what I’m supposed to do for childcare, he just said, “Not my kids, not my problem. Ask their dads. Bye.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 2 490

Pick me

By Sarai - 27/02/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, the man I love chose yet another woman over me. For months and months on end I’ve been trying to make him see that I would make a great girlfriend and life companion, yet he dismisses me and chooses other people. What do they have that I don’t? What do I have to do to be good enough? FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 944

Toxic wasteland

By Cinderella - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 149

You deserved it 2 603

The first step is admitting it

By The_failure - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint Listerine. I now believe that I may have a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 835

Quick turnover

By Anonymous - 05/12/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, after meeting the love of my life two weeks ago and moving him in to start our life together, my kids have run off to live with their dads. Apparently they are “not dealing with another new dad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 2 164

Puppy love

By Hotmama - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life, so now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 529

You deserved it 713

Go vegan!

By Sad wife - 17/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, after weeks of me "forgetting" to buy meat and animal products, my husband asked to talk. I was hoping he was getting the hints that I wanted us to go vegan. He wanted me to get checked for early-onset dementia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 628

Policy of truth

By Lelsy - 08/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend’s family. His mother gave me expensive diamond earrings and treated us to brunch. I don’t know how I’m gonna have the heart to tell him that I’ve accidentally gotten pregnant from someone else I’ve been seeing. I can’t tell him it’s his because we haven’t slept together yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 1 965

Travelling light

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip, I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. I couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 180

You deserved it 1 175

Looking good

By JillianJuneBug - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, the bad haircut I got recently no longer makes me look like Dora the Explorer. Instead, I now look like He-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 216

You deserved it 467

Such a nice guy

By Anonymous - 14/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, the only girl who likes me is a girl who is overweight and uses body acceptance as a reason to get mad at me for turning her down. Call me shallow but as someone who works out frequently, I don't want someone who douses herself with tattoos, thinking guys will fetishize her, instead of self-care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 554

Spooking cats

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 561

How's it going?

By initforthewrongreasons - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I texted my exes, not because I missed them, but because I wanted to know how their pets were doing. This holds true for at least four relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 827

You deserved it 1 501

Bad idea

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 16:00 - United States - Herndon

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. It’s a little awkward so I went to the bathroom to do two bumps of coke, came back to the table, and realized it was ketamine. I didn’t tell him, but I was so fucked up, he offered to get me an Uber home but I told him I called my mom to pick me up instead. He left and unmatched me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 1 735

Christmas Watts

By Conflicted as hell - 23/12/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I’m trying to figure out how to spend Christmas with my wife and kids… and my girlfriend. I’m planning to divorce my wife in January, because doing it on Christmas would hurt them all, but I don’t want my girlfriend to know I’m married or else she’ll leave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 2 438

Bitter

By StepFather - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my step-daughter, who is 29, still living at home, who I've completely supported since marrying her mother 16 years ago, wants her cousin to walk her down the aisle at her wedding two years from now and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 359

Sigma grindset

By TrueStory - 05/04/2024 23:00 - Pakistan

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, just because he found out I scam people for money on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 2 124

Fertiliser

By Anonymous - 04/06/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife found out when I’m super busy with work and can’t be bothered to walk upstairs for a pee, I just pee into a bottle and empty it out the window onto the grass. I get it’s sorta gross but the way she was yelling you’d have think I took a shit on the drive in full view of the neighbours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 353

Bye Felicia

By Anonymous - 06/11/2024 17:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, two weeks after giving my daughter-in-law a severe scolding for forcing my son to do chores and babysit the kids on his days off, I went to visit them and found out that they'd changed the locks, so my key no longer works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 1 794

Sharing is caring

By julia - 25/02/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my daughter used my towel. She thought that because it was clean, it would be okay. She’s 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 741

Build your own

By Anonymous - 05/09/2024 13:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, after my wife gave birth to another of our daughters, she announced that this was the last one. When I reminded her I still needed a son to carry on my name, she replied, "Well, you've got four girls. You want a boy? Birth him yourself!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 1 728

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 3 940

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 53

The Top

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 650

You deserved it 2 797

Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided to order something different than I usually do, and was flattered when the cashier recognized me. Then he switched places with another employee, and from the back room I hear "Hey, ugly's back again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 090

You deserved it 3 130

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 632

You deserved it 4 984

Today, it's the fifth day in a row my workmate has worn the exact same clothing. We share the desk. I'm absolutely positive he hasn't hit the shower since last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 161

You deserved it 3 174

Today, it's a day before my birthday and I will be turning 14. My grandma died 5 days ago and in Indian culture you aren’t supposed to celebrate for 16 days after a loved one dies. I have dietary restrictions too and can’t eat eggs because of her death, which means I basically can’t have any sweets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 183

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 066

You deserved it 2 637