Nearly FMLs

By she - 11/05/2021 08:33

Today, I got a call from my son’s school. Apparently he decided it would be appropriate to say the words “Don’t say fuck” in the middle of class. For no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 11:44 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, at 1:30 in the morning, I was trying to charge my phone and it wouldn't charge, so I tried every charger in the house. When that didn't work, I turned my phone off and went to bed. Five minutes later, I got back up to try something else and realized I didn't have the power point switched on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 00:56

Today, my ex tagged his new wife in a Mother’s Day post with their newborn son. We broke up 2 years ago because he “didn’t believe in marriage and having children.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 21

By Frankos - 09/05/2021 17:09

Today, it was my little brother’s high school graduation. My parents got him a brand new car. My high school graduation was two years ago and my parents didn’t get me a brand new car because they “couldn’t afford to.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 13

By ugly skeleton - 07/05/2021 05:32

Today, my boyfriend told me that if he could, he would change “pretty much everything” about my bone structure. His friends and my own mother all nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 07:47 - United Kingdom

Today, my extended family expect me to send them Covid relief funds and vaccines, just because I'm British Indian with a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 11

By mir - 05/05/2021 00:10

Today, there was nowhere in the house where I could eat without being stared at, so I decided to eat outside as having someone watch me eat is just as embarrassing as someone watching me go to the bathroom. Guess who decided to watch through the blinds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 9

By Annie - 04/05/2021 23:43

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Why? Because he caught me putting on deodorant, on a cold day, when I’m not exercising or doing anything strenuous. I need it regardless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 6

By kerah - 04/05/2021 11:01

Today, it’s day five of excruciating arm pain from my covid vaccine, and the pain has only gotten worse. If I go for a week without lifting weights, my depression kicks in and I become suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 25

By leah - 04/05/2021 10:58

Today, I took a nice big smelly shit. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. No one bothered to tell me the water was out. I live in a house with 5 other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 7

By Facepalm - 03/05/2021 02:08 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was eating an oatmeal cream pie. I offered one to my crush, saying, "Do you want a cream pie?" Her look of horror made me realize exactly what I'd said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 17

By cyclopo - 03/05/2021 05:02

Today, I was punished for leaving the front door unlocked overnight. This was after I checked it no fewer than seven times to make sure it was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 02/05/2021 05:31

Today, I realized that the last two women I've tried to date have rejected me because they were both more interested in domestic abusers. I can't imagine how to rebound from THAT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 16

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 18:41 - Germany - Emden

Today I realized my brain isn’t the only part of me that is forgetful and a liar. Or what would you call it when your bowels claim that the double dose of laxative you took last night never happened? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 10

By Money - 30/04/2021 20:01

Today, buying books is more expensive than buying six-packs of beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 7

By Filthy pig - 30/04/2021 19:59

Today, my mother has a knack at repeating that "I'm a fat, filthy pig" right in my face. I'm 25, I weigh 137 lbs and my height is 5'9". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 6

By BellaBabii32 - 27/04/2021 21:44

Today, I realized I’m just so miserable and unhappy at this waste of time job... I get minimum wage that barely pays any bills, and continuously treated like shit here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 11

By leogs23 - 27/04/2021 12:21

Today, it’s been almost a years since I started to read FML and still don’t know what OP means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 85

By NotRedhead - 26/04/2021 20:24

Today, my boyfriend likes a page on Facebook that says “I love redheads” and constantly likes their pictures and comments how “beautiful” and “sexy” they are. I’m a brunette and my boyfriend rarely comments on my pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 02:54

Today, I went on a lunch date with this girl I like. While we were ordering she commented she had celiac disease, also known as gluten intolerance. To impress her, I commented that I had celiac disease too. I ordered a beer with my meal and she said “I thought you had celiac disease?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 20:07

Today, it's my birthday and I'm spending it right now at my nephew's funeral. He was killed at age 6 by a drunk driver while crossing the street with his mom. I'm so broken, I don't even feel like celebrating any more birthdays of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 4

By Bodyshamed. - 25/04/2021 18:58

Today, my mother keeps on saying that I'm a filthy pig. I weigh 63 kg and my height is 1.75m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 10

By miia - 23/04/2021 06:35

Today, I have an extremely shy bladder, and my stepmom stays in her bedroom all day, within earshot of the only bathroom. She absolutely refuses to close her door, and she even told me “You’re just going to have to learn to go to the bathroom with others.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 24

By aerith - 23/04/2021 02:17

Today, my mom picked me up from school and told me to carry in the groceries when we got home. In the two minutes it took to get home, I had already forgotten and my mom was PISSED. She said there’s no way my memory is that bad at 15. I regularly forget things in much less time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 13

By annie - 23/04/2021 02:13

Today, while cashiering at Walmart, a creepy guy came in buying jumper cables, a car battery, WD-40, a Fisher-Price play guitar, laxatives, and one of each flavor of yogurt. Curious about the interesting combination of items, I asked what he was up to. He simply said “Necromancy” and then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 41

By unimpressed - 23/04/2021 01:50

Today, while my daughter was doing an English worksheet in which she had to correct the grammatical and spelling errors in a passage, she changed every plural instance of the word “deer” to “deers.” What is wrong with her? FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 22:38

Today, my wife finally gave birth to our first child after three unsuccessful years of trying to become parents ourselves. My parents, who both died of Covid-19, will never meet their grandson as they wished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 4

By CAN I CATCH A FUCKING BREAK - 22/04/2021 01:52

Today, I woke up after barely sleeping cuz my nose was stuffy, did a lot of homework, and felt drained afterward, so I decided to take a nap. Woke up to a call from the health department and apparently, my negative test is now positive. This was in part to my father who refused to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 7

By LoveyouHalle - 21/04/2021 23:28 - United Kingdom - Burnley

Today, it's my birthday. We had to put the family dog down. Love you, Halle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 14:39 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today my friend has given up eating pretty much anything but salad because he doesn’t have health insurance and wants to save on medical bills. If I were you, buddy, I might have given up smoking instead, but hey, that’s just me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 9

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The Top

Today, I listened to my best friend complain, again, about the two guys she's seeing, and how she doesn't know which one to choose, because they're both perfect. Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up my dog's loose stools, haven't had a date in over three years, and I'm also sharing a room with the very same best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 324

You deserved it 2 005

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 705

The Top

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I'd recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 858

You deserved it 5 091

Today, I finally felt brave enough to sing karaoke in public. I was halfway through the song when the restaurant’s power went out, leaving me singing my heart out in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 98

Today, I got a letter from the Navy saying that they accepted my application to join the Navy. I never applied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 479

You deserved it 2 551

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 142

You deserved it 2 708

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me for a year. He doesn't see how texting and sexting counts as cheating. While I cleaned, cooked, payed all our bills and went to school, he didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 270

Today, my supervisor was in a leadership meeting pulling random calls for quality. Mine was chosen. He got excited and told them my stats and how I put him to shame with how I drive my team, that I'm the best and this call is going to be amazing. I was then written up for arguing with a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 402