Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass....

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 952

You deserved it 3 572

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

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Same thing different taste

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 428

Repetitive

By justgreat - 24/03/2012 02:30 - United States - Opa Locka

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 605

You deserved it 6 222

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 851

You deserved it 18 701

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 386

You deserved it 3 436

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 224

You deserved it 5 969

By Anonymous - 21/02/2012 19:17 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 840

You deserved it 6 394

Spill the tease

By Anonymous - 07/05/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend teased me by asking if I wanted to fuck her best friend in the ass. Obviously it was a joke, but now I can't stop thinking about it and I know it will never happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 1 080

By Anonymous - 29/01/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - Wrexham

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 292

You deserved it 18 974

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 01:34 - United States

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 526

You deserved it 9 575

Snoozefest

By notsogood - 08/11/2013 20:02 - United States

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 543

You deserved it 19 408

UH60 26

Monday 17 August 2015 3:50

Are you by chance the same guy that 'accidentally' slipped into the wrong hole yesterday?

Steve95401 49

Monday 17 August 2015 3:47

Make sure to sleep on your back or on your side facing her. Also, be careful about bending over in the shower to pick up your soap off the floor.

Comments

ItalianGuy23 6

Monday 17 August 2015 6:38

prison rules apperently

gabagabaheyu 10

Monday 17 August 2015 6:57

why is she so turned on by trying to rape your ass?

Ih8teenageangst 19

Monday 17 August 2015 6:58

I know what you did. You deserve it.

messymessiah 11

Monday 17 August 2015 7:07

Lol. Have you ever tried to convince her to have anal sex? Sounds like she's getting you back for something

PrincessPan 17

Monday 17 August 2015 7:08

Um, that rape.

JoseTheSmexican 11

Monday 17 August 2015 7:08

Well now we know who it was that slipped in the wrong hole

Blonde02_fml 9

Monday 17 August 2015 7:11

Hahah she sounds different

PsychicBulwark 4

Monday 17 August 2015 7:35

I hope you're joking. Otherwise bad news your girlfriend is a rapist & a psychopath. literally.

ceelos97 16

Monday 17 August 2015 7:35

Pretty sure thats is considered rape!

xcllla_ 27

Monday 17 August 2015 7:42

Put a butt plug so she won't enter.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I reached out to my mom to confide in her about possibly leaving my cheating husband. She said, "I think you need to stay married and do what you want on the side. That's what I did. I don't even know if your dad is your dad." Apparently she was cheating on my dad when she got pregnant with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 82

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said, "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green…" I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with, "…ya know, like a dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 006

You deserved it 5 866

The Top

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 833

You deserved it 6 995

Today, I went to get coffee. While I was at the drive-thru window, I went to pay with my card but dropped it right out the window. It went under my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 178

Today, as I'm 7 months pregnant and craving sweets, I helped myself to my MIL's birthday cake a little early. The family got so angry, they actually made me leave the party. My husband agreed with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 2 595

Today, I’m being accused of groping and holding a drunk girl inappropriately at the party I hosted. I was literally holding her up, to prevent her from throwing up all over my floor and furniture. Her friends did a good job of just standing there, leaving me, a man, as the only one to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 109

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 774

You deserved it 6 887

Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 177