Intimacy

By Anonymous - 31/01/2011 17:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 068

You deserved it 4 053

Tasty!

By Username - 31/01/2011 15:47

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 094

You deserved it 5 731

By mentallyscarred - 31/01/2011 09:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 156

You deserved it 4 707

By Milly - 30/01/2011 19:25 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was trying to help a very slow-witted client over the phone. After a while, I realised he was just delaying while pleasuring himself to the sound of my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 628

You deserved it 4 090

Timing is important

By effingdoucher - 30/01/2011 06:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 840

You deserved it 11 029

By anonymous - 29/01/2011 12:41 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 827

You deserved it 8 963

By FamilySecret - 29/01/2011 06:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice by folding his laundry and putting it away since he was working late. I opened his sock drawer and sitting on top was a photo of his mother, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 903

You deserved it 4 827

Dead bed

By ohyey - 29/01/2011 01:50 - Norway

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 249

You deserved it 7 055

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 19:59 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got home from working late and decided to write a cute email to my girlfriend since I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was about to finish it off when my door swung open, and in a panic, I opened another tab to hide my email. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 807

You deserved it 43 595

Tense dinner

By bittenbyadonkey - 28/01/2011 17:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 273

You deserved it 3 577

By JordanVilleneuve - 28/01/2011 03:35 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 325

You deserved it 7 548

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 17:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 850

You deserved it 3 736

Time flies by

By ohdear - 27/01/2011 13:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 852

You deserved it 7 403

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 21:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 115

You deserved it 3 561

By totallyscrewedomg - 25/01/2011 17:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren't up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 450

You deserved it 12 435

By Charlotte - 25/01/2011 14:10

Spicy

Today, I found my electric globe. It asks you where a state, country or city is and you would have to find it and click on it with the pen. I also found out that my parents would sneak into my room at night, take it and play 'strip-globe'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 164

You deserved it 3 043

By raaquel - 25/01/2011 06:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me with a Realtor. The same Realtor who helped me sell my condo so I could move in with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 181

You deserved it 3 025

By Fucked - 24/01/2011 22:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 773

You deserved it 13 739

By Limalia - 24/01/2011 21:00 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 332

You deserved it 10 641

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 19:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 708

You deserved it 4 835

By andifalls - 24/01/2011 05:11

Spicy

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 514

You deserved it 3 531

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 00:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 877

You deserved it 7 163

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 543

You deserved it 14 762

By ohsnap - 22/01/2011 21:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 834

You deserved it 5 746

By mortified - 22/01/2011 16:04 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 481

You deserved it 55 372

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 779

You deserved it 5 152

The truth

By Theaccident - 22/01/2011 10:03 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 044

You deserved it 3 673

Romantic

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 05:29 - Canada

Spicy

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 909

You deserved it 6 863

By alaskan1989 - 22/01/2011 01:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out I have a huge infected boil on my vagina. The worst part was that I wasn't the one to discover this. My boyfriend was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 452

You deserved it 9 947

By IHateDumbExs - 21/01/2011 17:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my ex boyfriend apologized for being a jerk to me and threatening our relationship. When he was done, he asked if his apology earned him enough points for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 346

You deserved it 5 634

IHateDumbExs tells us more.

IHateDumbExs 0

Saturday 22 January 2011 1:52

Haha he didn't come to see me, he came to where I was volunteering to pick up his little sister. He just saw me in passing and asked. And no, his apology was definitely not worth a *******.

Keywords

Insects Gross Miscellaneous Cute Neighbours Kids Proposal Awkward Love Amazon Relatable Hair Delivery Health Scary Allergies Dogs Animals Babysitter Skincare Emergency Doctor Hospital Engagement ring Vacation AITA Facebook Social Media Scams Sex

The Top

Today, while working my overnight shift, I went into the isolation room to find some items for a former client. The door fell shut and the magnetic lock went to work. Both unit telephones and my cell phone were lying on the desk, and I waited four hours for my supervisor to rescue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 682

You deserved it 4 844

USA, USA, USA; well, almost. Today we're not welcoming a French artist, not even an American artist, but an artist from... oh, you'll see! Are you in a hurry or something? Why can't we just sit down, have a nice cup of tea and talk about the future? ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 15

The Top

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 722

You deserved it 17 012

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 403

You deserved it 13 525

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 341

You deserved it 43 094

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said, "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said, "Now I know why." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 132

You deserved it 12 479

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 448

You deserved it 3 481

Today, I was buying veggies with my five-year-old. She saw some brussel sprouts and begged me to buy them. I thought there was no way she'd like them, but I do, so I got them. Later, she was sitting on the couch eating them raw like candy. I have a weird kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 846

You deserved it 1 226