Creepy, Creepypasta and Animals: Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from... - FML

By scared-straight - 27/05/2013 04:05 - United States

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 697

You deserved it 4 392

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Sobering

By TheLivingDeadTree - 19/10/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 106

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 522

You deserved it 3 358

PANIC

By Anonymous - 29/12/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I'd fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 407

You deserved it 11 944

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 264

You deserved it 7 318

By goldenpuppy - 19/05/2016 20:54 - United States - Somerville

Today, I was sitting on my couch when I felt something weird underneath me. I got up, thinking I'd sat on my phone or something. Wrong. I'd sat on a live mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 146

You deserved it 1 083

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 635

Creepy roommates #56

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 23:00

Today, I awoke to a strange feeling on my feet. It felt like a tongue, so at first thought it was the dog, but we don't have one. I looked down and it was my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 85

By phillyfan4life - 21/02/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 810

You deserved it 28 484

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 363

It's Caturday, respect our feline leaders

By believekimber - 09/07/2022 16:00

Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 270

Next

Top comments

enamis 3

Monday 27 May 2013 12:07

Well, what was it!? You can't just leave us hanging!

TheCamoWulf 17

Monday 27 May 2013 12:06

You either have a ghost of a decease animal or you have a weird burglar.

Comments

jujubeef 10

Monday 27 May 2013 15:19

oh shit dude you got out in either pretty little liars or scooby doo!

Kyle_Kawi27 7

Monday 27 May 2013 15:40

Please be a cat please be a cat....

avapaige1234 19

Monday 27 May 2013 15:43

You should clean your house more often to get rid of dirty stray rats. Happened to me once too. Woke up the neighbors screaming at the huge rat sniffing my fingers!

Calingaladha 21

Monday 27 May 2013 19:02

Unfortunately, a simple cleaning won't do, as the rats are probably breeding in the building. Poison is probably the most efficient method here.

Dusty_Busters 15

Monday 27 May 2013 15:51

You didn't look?! It was probably a rat

5sonic 22

Monday 27 May 2013 15:55

So that basically means run op. Run.

cinnamondemon 8

Monday 27 May 2013 16:21

I smell something fishy here Heheh... No?... Okay Anyways hope you don't live alone...

MysticMonkey 9

Monday 27 May 2013 16:24

Probably just Chuck Norris

YeahYeahYeahOK 6

Monday 27 May 2013 16:34

Either you were dreaming.... Or.... Nevermind. Little Monsters they are! Bwahahaha!

hannahsnyder69 16

Monday 27 May 2013 16:51

I'm dying to know what it was, myself

theres_nat 9

Monday 27 May 2013 16:51

Oh god good luck

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The Top

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 157

You deserved it 2 693

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!...

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 23

The Top

Today, I set up a profile on a dating app, stating that I'm awkward amongst other things. Within minutes, a guy messaged me. I was thrilled, until he started threatening me because he has Aspergers, and according to him, only they are "allowed" to be awkward. I had to delete my profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 050

You deserved it 3 160

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. As part of my presents, my parents gave me prepaid debit card. When I got home, I looked at it again and realized it's the debit card you get from selling back books to our university bookstore. I bought my own books this year. They gave me my own refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 703

You deserved it 2 915

Today, I was sitting in my old rusty truck in an empty parking lot, when some old lady parks beside me and opens her door, hitting my truck. Having a used up truck, I didn't mind. But you could tell that it made her mad, when she came back with the manager demanding that I pay for her paint job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 847

You deserved it 622

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 528

You deserved it 2 830

Today, I gave my wife a $900 necklace as a special Christmas gift. She gave me a set of Star Wars pajamas. As it turns out, I was more excited to wear my gift than she was to wear hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 301

You deserved it 5 859

Today, my eleven-year-old daughter complained that she has "no serotonin.” I fear what is to come for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 192