The Top

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By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 13:18 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was sitting on my balcony at night when the house across from me had a light that started blinking. I know Morse code and the messages said, "Help, I am kidnapped." Naturally, I called the police, but it was just some bratty kid. I'm in trouble for wasting police time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 539

You deserved it 343

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 00:28

Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 108

You deserved it 1 096

By Anonymous - 29/12/2018 12:00

Today, has been a very long day, so I shall simply say there is a car in my bedroom. Yes a car. It's entirely my husband's fault, we have no idea how we're supposed to remove it, and there's oil all down my favourite pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 631

You deserved it 330

By WeldedShut - 03/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 780

You deserved it 8 266

Put the eggs in one basket!

By PsychoBoulevard - 13/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Tollhouse

Today, as well as for the past week, my cat finds immeasurable joy in knocking eggs of the counter and staring at me as I clean the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 232

You deserved it 1 156

By porn daddy - 21/06/2017 00:00

Spicy

Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 081

You deserved it 448

By wtf - 01/07/2017 16:00

Today, I got yelled at multiple times by my boss because my boyfriend didn't show up to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 832

You deserved it 444

By Anonymous - 30/11/2017 10:22 - United States

Today, I tried to pay my phone bill. My account said my zip code for my card was wrong, so I called customer service. After a half-hour wait, I finally got ahold of someone. Right as we connected, the call dropped. My plan had expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 368

You deserved it 590

Emi N. Jax tells us more.

Emi N. Jax 13

Sunday 26 November 2017 22:26

Ok so to everyone saying "why don't you just do automatic payments?" Or "the bill is the same time every month just plan ahead." IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIX THIS SINCE AUGUST! I can't connect my credit card due to the "incorrect zip code" and was trying to call customer service to get that fixed. Thank you -_-

By ALetterADay - 24/12/2017 01:30

Today, I wrote a long, loving and emotional Christmas letter to my girlfriend, leaving it for her to read when she woke up. Halfway through the day, I received a text stating that she saw my "breakup letter" and threw out all my stuff. I can't even contact her now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 110

You deserved it 476

By Wtf - 03/11/2015 22:06

Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 750

You deserved it 3 510

By UnicornPancake - 25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 500

You deserved it 431

By shitbucketsfilledwithshit - 08/10/2015 16:04 - United States - Spring

Today, while walking home after a night of partying, I saw a thin, bald person in a suit looking at me from across the street. I got flashbacks to the Slender Man, screamed like a little bitch and ran. Then I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of some random guy waiting for a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 793

You deserved it 18 946

First Impression

By Katy3225 - 06/06/2018 15:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, it was my first day teaching economics to a university class of 150. For the first 5 minutes, a bunch of students snickered. I asked why. One said, "Your zipper's open, but it doesn't matter because your blue panties are showing through your white pants anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 622

You deserved it 1 712

Drugs are bad, mkay?

By real life problems - 18/06/2018 06:10

Today, I realized my girlfriend was taking my pain meds from my shoulder surgery. She says it shouldn't hurt after 2 days. I don't have any left and can't get a refill for a week. She took them just for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 060

You deserved it 446

real life problems tells us more.

real life problems 26

Friday 15 June 2018 22:04

OP here, yes of course i broke up with her over it, which she still thinks I'm over reacting to. I ended up calling for more pain pills but they wouldn't approve me any more that fast. I ended up just dealing with the pain on my own while being bitched out for being selfish.

By yuhan - 22/07/2018 19:00

Today, while walking around outside with my friends, I was told that I have no right to complain about the heat since I'm not fat. Thirty minutes later, I had sweat out all the liquid in my body and promptly passed out from heat stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 881

You deserved it 535

By slitherasssnape - 13/09/2016 18:53 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, in science class, I was bored and playing with a paper towel, dipping it into a container of water. When my teacher caught me and asked what I was doing, I panicked and said I was "drying the water." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 853

You deserved it 3 331

By julian - 29/09/2018 14:00

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 644

You deserved it 286

By pooraf - 04/08/2016 14:42 - United States - Urbana

Today, I got mugged. I almost felt sorry for him: he got a $15 cell phone, a frozen debit card, a credit card with only $50 of credit left on it, and no cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 358

You deserved it 1 618

By SwingingGallows - 15/07/2016 15:43

Today, I bought my mother an expensive TV she had been looking at. After I bought it, she continued browsing for more stuff. I told her I couldn't afford the extra items. She got mad and called me "selfish". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 715

You deserved it 1 135

By Victoria - 12/07/2016 14:10

Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 648

You deserved it 1 184

By polemania - 11/07/2016 05:23 - United States

Today, I had an employee come in 20 minutes late with the excuse, "There's a Pokemon gym across the street!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 471

You deserved it 1 816

By NotFromAustralia - 08/07/2016 05:25 - United States - Denver

Today, I thought the earwig infestation that had plagued my basement apartment for weeks had finally solved itself. Turns out the black widow infestation took care of it for me. Time to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 707

You deserved it 851

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 17:39 - United States - Dearborn

Today, as always, I'd be so incredibly happy if my girlfriend loved me even half as much as she loves her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 121

You deserved it 1 890

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 286

You deserved it 2 451

But my grandbabiiiiiiiies

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 09:21 - Australia - Canberra

Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 021

You deserved it 1 643

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 01:46 - United States - Encino

Today, a friend told me that when I read, I make all the expressions the characters in the book are making. Apparently, I have been doing this since I was a kid, and no one ever told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 734

You deserved it 2 169

By Jay - 04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 293

You deserved it 365

By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 05:58

Today, while out with my family, I happened to run into "the one who got away." She smilingly introduced herself to my wife, who definitely noticed that she and our daughter share the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 596

You deserved it 8 067

By Noob - 05/03/2018 08:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I restarted my desktop computer at work. Nobody told me, but it turns out that my computer holds the licenses used for all programs on the server. Needless to say, a lot of people hate me right now. It's only my fifth day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 821

You deserved it 460

Mystery person

By How - 18/04/2018 01:30

Today, I received a letter from my apartment complex saying I have an unauthorized tenant living with me. I must provide proof they don't live with me in the next 72 hours or I get kicked out. Nobody lives with me, and I don't know how to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 796

You deserved it 218

Keywords

My ex Awkward Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Sports Proposal Cold weather Annoying Snow Cheating Work Money Relatable Parenting Kids DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, at work, I'm supervising one person. Recently there's been tension between her and a couple of other coworkers, one of which was her friend. I spent the day running around and trying to smooth things over, just to find out what started this was her walking in on her former friend talking about her behind her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 96

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 401

You deserved it 4 295

The Top

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 245

You deserved it 14 162

Today, on a trip with my girlfriend to visit her sister in Finland, she decided that I didn't comfort her enough when she got scared crossing the street. She broke up with me and kicked me out at 1:30am. I'm in a foreign country, all alone, without a place to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 410

You deserved it 230

Today, I hooked up with a man for the first time since my divorce. The sex was mind-blowing. His pillow talk then began with something like, “A cabal of Hollywood celebrities and political insiders want to rape your children…” I’m so dry now, I think I hit menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 382

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 681

You deserved it 29 209

Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 146

You deserved it 10 187

Today, my son and I were arguing, and my wife yelled at us that the reason we don't get along is because we have identical personalities. She then kicked us out until we learn to get along, so we're sleeping in the freezing caravan, sharing a blanket that's only 6 feet wide and was last used for the cat to give birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 1 271